This book goes out to the brave men and women of the U.S. Military. Your valor and courage make me proud to be an American. Please get home safely. 

To American Presidents both present and past, I thank you for suffering through suffocating criticism over your foreign policies. Nobody with half a mind doubts your desire to keep America safe from its enemies. Yours is a job only an insane person would want and I very much appreciate all the things that happen in the Oval Office that are far, far beyond my grasp of understanding. 

And to you, Osama Bin Laden…please enjoy an eternity of having your temperature taken with a pitchfork.