CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR

COLONEL IAN MAHONEY, still commander of the Mercury Corps, stood at attention, his heels locked, his face red, his spine a steel bar. He was receiving the chewing out of his life, a dressing down delivered by the all-time master of dressings down.

"Colonel Mahoney, I do not know what to do with you. I do not know what to say."

Mahoney refrained from noting that the Emperor had been at no loss for words for at least an hour.

"Do you realize what has happened, Mahoney? I have just given my blessing to a fanatic. A fanatic who calls me a heretic.

Me. ME!"

Mahoney was wisely silent.

"Clot it, man, I hung myself out there like a babbling fool.

State visit. Empire-wide vid coverage. I clotting declared the Lupus Cluster open."

He leaned across his antique desk. "And when I declare something open, by all that is holy in this silly sorry Empire that I was dumb enough to found, I expect it to stay open. Do you understand, Colopel?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Don't yessir me!"

"No, sir."

"Don't nossir me, either." He glared at Mahoney, trembling with anger. Then a long sigh. "Ah, clot it, Mahoney. Siddown.

Pour us a drink. Something nasty. Something poisonous.

Something that will get me good and clotting drunk."

Mahoney sat—but did not make the mistake of relaxing. If it was possible to sit at attention, he did it. He reached for the Eternal Emperor's latest batch of experimental scotch and poured drinks. He sipped at his with as much military bearing as a man could possibly sip.

The Emperor noticed the scotch. Gave Mahoney a thin smile.

"You never did like this drakh much, did you, Mahoney?"

Mahoney made a noncommital noise. And waited for the Commander in Chief of the greatest military force in human history to finish speaking his mind.

The Emperor shot back his scotch, shuddered, and poured himself another.

"I'm a reasonable man, Mahoney. I know how things can go wrong. All right. So I'm up to my butt in alligators. So what? I've been there before."

He drank.

"I only have one question," he said in his most reasonable tone of voice.

"Which is, sir?" Mahoney asked.

The Eternal Emperor rose to his feet.

"WHO PUT MY ARSE IN THE SWAMP, MAHONEY? WHO?

WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS DEBACLE?"

Mahoney couldn't tell his boss it was, after all, the Emperor's idea.

"I take full responsibility, sir," he said.

"You're clotting right, you do, Mahoney. I'm gonna… I'm gonna… Colonel, I want you to think of the worst command in my empire. A hell hole. A place you won't be guaranteed to survive in for more than a week."

"Yes, sir."

"I want a full report on it by tomorrow."

"Yes, sir."

"Now, who's that other fellow. Lieutenant what-his-name?"

"Sten, sir. Sten."

"Right. Sten. Is he still alive?"

"Yes, sir."

"That was his first mistake, Colonel. Now, Sten. For him I have special plans. Do I still own Pluto, Mahoney?"

"I believe so, sir."

"No. No. Too soft. I'll think of something. You just leave that Sten to me, Mahoney. You'll be too busy finding that hell hole I'm going to send you to."

"Yes, sir."

The Eternal Emperor eased back in his chair. Closed his eyes.

Almost as if he were asleep. Mahoney waited a very long, very uncomfortable time. Finally the Emperor opened them again. He gave Mahoney a tired look. For a moment Mahoney could almost see just how very ancient the Eternal Emperor was.

"I'm counting on you, Ian," the Emperor said softly. "Solve it.

Get rid of this Prophet for me. Get rid of Mathias."

Mahoney came to his feet, knowing that he had finally gotten the Emperor's orders. He snapped his best salute.

"That. sir. will be my extreme pleasure." He wheeled and began to march out.

"Mahoney?"

The Colonel stopped. "Yes, sir?"

"Just don't embarrass me again. Please? As a favor to an old drinking buddy?"

"I won't, boss."

"Being embarrassed is just one of those things I'm lousy at.

Funny thing is, the older I get, the worse I am at it."

He looked up at Mahoney. "You'd think it would be the other way around, wouldn't you? You'd think by now I wouldn't give a clot."

"I wouldn't know, boss."

"Well, I do, Mahoney. I do care."

And the Eternal Emperor closed his eyes again. Mahoney silently crept out.