Six Months Later
Mayaguana, Bahamas

Dear Mel–

You once said I was the only one who had never done anything rotten enough to ask for forgiveness. After reading this, will you still feel that way?

I couldn’t think of any other way to do this. My mother and Briggs were just too determined. They would have hounded us relentlessly, and we would never have had any peace. And peace is what I need. I don’t know if this will work—there are never any guarantees in love—but I wanted a chance to try. I’ve lived half my life trying to please everyone else, and now I want a chance to please myself. I want a chance to be happy.

Mike says life is short and we must grab it with both hands while we can. He’s a good man and a good captain. I love him. We spend our days fishing and lying in the sun. I’ve never known such happiness as I’ve known these last few months on this small boat.

I spent so many years not really living, just surviving. The drugs were to keep me from feeling. It was Mike who convinced me that I had to stop taking them, I had to grieve, to feel, if I was ever to get better. I know you were worried and I’m sorry. I had to pretend. I couldn’t show that I’d changed. I couldn’t do anything that might make Briggs suspicious.

Seeing all of you again made me realize how short life is, how important it is that we spend it with people we love, doing things that have meaning to us. Sara and Annie are lucky. Love can sustain you through anything, and I don’t worry about them. And I don’t worry about you either, Mel. You had the courage to strike out on your own, to live your life without regret, and I always admired that in you. You have your work, and that’s all you ever needed. Well, not all, but most anyway.

Henry knows the truth, of course. And April. We couldn’t have done it without dear April playing her part. And you can tell Sara and Annie, too. But no one else. Maybe I’ll call you in a few months and we can all get together again. The islands here are beautiful—hundreds of little deserted cays and beaches with nothing but jasmine and flamingos and wild donkeys.

I am so happy. Forgive me.

Lola