I tried to call Brenda on Sunday night, but her cell wasn’t on. I called her home number but her mom said she was studying and couldn’t be disturbed. The thing with Brenda is she’s the type who really could be into studying, all caught up with protoplasm or black holes, and not want to be disturbed, but I had a hunch that wasn’t the issue.
I’d made a decision. I didn’t want to hear a blow-by-blow replay of the party from Lauren’s perspective. I didn’t care what Kyla thought of what everyone was wearing. I had zero interest in spending another lunch pretending to find what they said even remotely interesting. Getting revenge on Lauren didn’t have to mean giving up everything that I wanted for myself. At lunch on Monday, I gave the three of them a nod and then walked right past their table.
I stood at the front of the tables and searched up and down looking for Brenda. I wanted to talk to her about Christopher, and I also owed her an apology for always blowing her off in public. I looked right past her at least three or four times, not recognizing her. She was sitting at a table with a bunch of other girls from the play. She was wearing one of her new outfits and laughing at what one of the other girls said.
“Hey, there you are,” I said as I walked up to her. Brenda looked up as if she didn’t know who I was.
“Oh, hi.”
I stood there with my tray wondering if she was going to ask me to sit down.
“I tried to give you a call last night.”
“I was studying.” Brenda’s eyes didn’t meet mine.
“Oh.” The whole table sat there watching me. “Mind if I join you?” I asked.
“We’re just finishing up actually,” Brenda said.
I looked down at their trays. Unless they were on the anorexic diet, Brenda was dissing me. They hadn’t even made a dent in their lunches. My jaw tightened. So that was how it was going to be.
“Fine. Now that I think about it, I’ve lost my appetite anyway.” I walked to the end of the row and dumped everything, including the tray into the garbage and walked out. I slammed open the bathroom door, and once I was sure I was alone, I kicked the stall door. It swung open, whacking into the toilet paper dispenser, and then bounced shut again. It was not nearly as satisfying as I had hoped and it made my foot hurt. I gave it another kick anyway.
I heard the door open and before I even turned around I knew it was Brenda.
“I thought you weren’t done with lunch,” I said, hating how my voice sounded snotty.
“You can’t do this, you know.”
“Do what?”
“Act like you’re my friend one minute and then not the next moment. Tell me you know exactly what I need to do and then the second I have any advice for you, tell me that I have no business giving it.” Brenda tossed her hands in the air.
“I know,” I said.
“I’m not interested in being friends with you if you’re going to be all CIA. I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you. I don’t even know if you want to be my friend.”
My throat felt like it was getting more and more narrow. It felt like she was asking me to step out onto the window ledge of a tall building.
Brenda rested her hand on my arm. “I don’t want to do all this back and forth. Friends one minute and then not the next. If you want me to understand that there are things you can’t do, you should be willing to understand there are things I can’t do.”
“So where does that leave us?” I asked.
“What do you know about space walks?” Brenda said.
“Space walks? Is this your subtle way of changing the subject?”
“Stick with me and it’ll make sense. What do you know about space walks?”
“My knowledge here is pretty slim.”
“Here’s the thing, space isn’t built for humans. It’s freezing cold; there’s no air. So the astronaut gets all dressed up,” Brenda said.
“I’m not a complete idiot. I know people don’t just go walking around in outer space.”
Brenda ignored me. “So the astronaut goes into an air lock. It’s sort of a waiting room. They suck the oxygen out, and then when the pressure is equaled they can go outside the spaceship, and then they do the same thing in reverse when they want to come back in. It isn’t instantaneous. The transition takes some time. Go too fast and someone could get hurt; go too slow and you could run out of time.”
“What does this have to do with us?” I asked.
“You asked where we are—we’re in the air lock.”
“Waiting for the pressure to equalize,” I said.
“Exactly, and hopefully before we run out of air.” Brenda turned around, and suddenly my chest felt tight like it was going to burst, and I had to do something to release the pressure. Before I knew it the words flew out of my mouth.
“My name isn’t Claire.”
Brenda turned around and looked at me with one eyebrow up.
“My name is Helen.” My voice shook as I said my real name.
The first bell rang. Lunch was over.
“I’m guessing this isn’t the kind of story that can be wrapped up in the next three minutes, huh?” Brenda said with a sigh.