5
ON THEIR WAY BACK FROM MOSS LANDing the traffic on Highway 1 slowed to a crawl, then stopped for minutes at a time. Kelly glanced at the dashboard clock. It was going to be seven or later by the time Matt dropped her off. “I don’t know about you, but I’m getting hungry.”
“Did you want to stop somewhere?”
Knowing it was a mistake, she said, “I was thinking more along the lines of a home cooked meal–to thank you for today,” she quickly added.
“If you did that, then I would just have to take you out again tomorrow to thank you for the home-cooked meal and you would feel you had to cook again and the next day …” He looked at her and grinned. “Who knows where it would end?”
“You can’t take me out tomorrow, you’re teaching a class.”
“Well, I guess we’re safe then. I have to warn you, though, I’m a vegetarian.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”
“Think you can handle it?”
“You are looking at a woman knee deep in vegetables. Since I’ve been here, I can’t seem to drive past a fruit-and-vegetable stand. I don’t think there’s one I’ve spotted that I haven’t stopped and bought something.”
“Then all we’re missing is bread and wine.”
“Got ‘em.”
“Where have you been all my life?”
“San Diego.”
He laughed. “Are all lawyers so literal?”
“I would think you’d have a pretty good idea of what lawyers are and aren’t by now.”
“I’m constantly being surprised.” The cars in front of them started moving again. “That’s another thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.”
They traveled the next mile without either of them saying anything. Finally, Kelly broke the silence. “You aren’t what I expected.”
“You came with preconceived ideas?” he gently chided.
“I’d heard a lot about you.”
“From?”
“Other lawyers.”
“And you expected a frothing-at-the-mouth, hard-nosed, humorless, son-of-a-bitch fanatic.”
She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. “Well, maybe not frothing at the mouth.” He laughed again, and she realized it was what she’d been after. When he smiled, one corner of his mouth rose higher than the other, his eyes crinkled, and a single dimple appeared high on his left cheek. She found it almost impossible not to smile in return.
As soon as they cleared the forest and turned onto the beach road, Kelly spotted a strange car in her driveway, a candy apple red Mustang, the kind lusted after by men who believed in beer commercials.
“Looks like you have company,” Matt said.
“It’s probably a neighbor using the driveway. You and Andrew are the only people I know here.”
“Or someone using the beach who didn’t know the house has been rented and was afraid to get caught parking on the road.”
The road was posted with “NO PARKING” signs from the public parking lot at the state park to the last house on the beach. While the promised fines protected the homeowners from being overwhelmed by cars, most had been forced to widen their driveways to accommodate visitors. According to Andrew, cars frequently spilled over to neighbors’ houses when someone was having a party.
The question was answered as soon as Matt pulled into Andrew’s driveway and Ray looked out from behind Kelly’s house to investigate.
“Oh, no,” she groaned.
“You know this guy, I take it?” Matt said.
“Regrettably.” She opened her car door.
Matt got out and joined her.
Ray stood his ground and waited for her to come to him. “I thought I would surprise you,” he said. “I can see that I have.”
“Ray Sperling–Matt Landry,” she said.
They shook hands, Matt with good humor, Ray with a scowl.
“What are you doing here, Ray?” Kelly asked.
He looked at Matt before turning his attention to her. “Could we talk about this inside? In private?”
“I’ve invited Matt to dinner.”
“This is important, Kelly,” Ray said.
“Why don’t we make it another night?” Matt offered.
He wasn’t backing away, he was simply making it easier for her, letting her make the decision. “Thank you.”
He looked into her eyes and smiled. “Anytime.”
“I’ll walk you to your car.” She left Ray standing in the middle of the road, his hands on his hips, his posture possessive.
Matt opened the car door and paused before getting inside. “Old boyfriend?”
“Yes … but not so old. I broke up with him two days ago. Obviously he didn’t believe I was serious.”
“Are you okay with this? Do you want me to stick around?”
She looked at his mouth, at the soft shadow of a beard on his chin and above his top lip, and without stopping to consider the consequences, told him exactly what she wanted. “Kiss me.”
He only hesitated a second before he put his hand on the back of her neck and brought her forward for what must have looked like a searingly deep kiss to Ray. When she realized he had no intention of giving her the kiss she wanted, she opened her mouth and touched her tongue to his. He responded immediately, taking the lead, tasting, testing, sending a shot of liquid fire from her lips to her toes.
It was more than she’d bargained for, more than she expected, and less than she wanted.
“Will that do it?” Matt asked.
“For now,” she said.
He glanced over her shoulder. “I think you got what you were after.”
She started to turn and look, then thought better of it. “What do you mean?”
“Once he gets past the strutting jealousy part, he’ll be putty in your hands.”
She frowned, confused. And then it hit her, she hadn’t kissed Matt to make Ray jealous, she’d done it to show him that she’d moved on. But that wasn’t the way Matt had seen it. He had no way of knowing that with Ray actions spoke louder than words. Embarrassed beyond words of explanation, she mumbled, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have involved you in this.”
He lowered his head and tucked his hand under her chin to force her to look at him. “Hey, what are friends for?”
“Not this.” She’d used him, and she didn’t like people who used people. She was losing control of everything–her life, her beliefs, her honor. “I’m glad Ray saw us together–but I kissed you because I wanted to.”
“Good luck.” He got in the car and rolled down the window. “I’ll see you in class.”
He didn’t believe her. She nodded and watched him drive away, feeling as if she’d lost something it would be impossible to regain.
“That was quite a show.” Ray jammed his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t know you had it in you.”
“Why are you here?” She was suddenly, overwhelmingly tired, her lack of sleep and the emotional roller coaster ride she was on putting her near the edge of civility.
“Can we go inside?”
She walked past him, cutting through the garden instead of taking the brick pathway that ran in front of the house. He backtracked the way he had come and met her at the front door.
As soon as she rounded the corner she understood Ray’s insistence on going inside. He wanted her to see the flowers and Godiva chocolate that were sitting on the porch, believing they would do most of his work for him. She unlocked the door and stepped over the elaborate presentation bouquet as if it were a nuisance.
Obviously annoyed at her casual dismissal of his gifts, Ray brought them inside and tried to hand her the candy. “They’re your favorites,” he said accusingly.
“Not anymore.”
“Since when?”
“I’ve switched–” For the life of her she couldn’t come up with another brand of chocolates. “To cinnamon rolls.”
He tossed the box on a chair, looked at the flowers, and tossed them there, too. “All right, I’ll give you this one. Just tell me what it’s going to take to make things right between us, and I’ll do it.”
“It’s not going to happen.”
“Don’t you think you’re carrying this a little too far? I said I was sorry, why can’t you–”
She held up her hand. “Hold on just a minute. I must have missed something. Exactly when was it that you said you were sorry?”
He motioned toward the candy and flowers. “What do you call this?”
“A bribe.”
He flushed an unattractive red that left splotches on his cheeks. Before saying anything, he made an elaborate bow. “I’m sorry.” Upright again, he glared at her. “Is that what you want?”
“What I want is to be left alone.” She kicked off her shoes, sat in the corner of the sofa, and pulled her legs up against her chest. “I don’t understand why you’re doing this, Ray. You don’t love me. You never really did. We had fun for a while, then it stopped being fun. Once word gets out that you’re free again, you’ll have women crawling over each other to get to you.”
“I don’t want other women. I want you.”
If he’d shown half this much passion when they were together, it would have been twice as hard to leave. “You’ve always said you thought Dara was–”
Stunned, he looked as if she’d slapped him. “How do you know about Dara? Who told you? It was Donna, wasn’t it? She’s always butting into things that aren’t any of her business.”
How could she have been so stupid? All the signs were there, she’d just refused to see them. “I wasn’t accusing you of anything,” she said evenly. “I was about to suggest you might want to go out with Dara now that you’re free.”
“Nothing happened between us. We went out a couple of times, but that was it.”
“I don’t care.” Amazingly, she didn’t. “Now you can do whatever you want, whenever you want, and not worry about who might see you. It’s called freedom, Ray. And I’m giving it to you. Now be grateful and get out of here and leave me alone.”
For what seemed an eternity, he stood in the middle of the room and stared at her, his eyes betraying his inner conflict. Finally, he moved toward her and went down on bended knee. “I wanted to save this for later, but you’ve forced my hand.”
Ray dug in his pocket and brought out a small velvet box. Before she could say anything, he opened the box, and presented it to her. “You win, Kelly. I knew this was what you were after, but I didn’t think I was ready. I do now.”
Kelly looked at the diamond solitaire ring, the stone large enough to be noticed but within the bounds of good taste. Knowing that only days ago she probably would have accepted his insulting proposal horrified her. She tried to give the ring back to him. “I can’t take this.”
He held his hands up and backed away. “This is getting a little old, Kelly. I understand you’re angry and that you were trying to get back at me for some wrong you think I’ve done, but this has gone on long enough. I made a mistake. You’ve made more than your share since we started going together, and I’ve always forgiven you. Is it so wrong to expect the same in return?”
Finally she understood. In his own way, Ray really did love her. Did she have the right to blame him if it wasn’t the way she wanted to be loved? She unfolded her legs and reached out to take his hand. “Timing really is everything, Ray. From the beginning we’ve been off step with each other. When I wanted you to make a commitment, Dara got in the way. And now–”
“Don’t tell me you feel something for that guy you were with. You can’t have known him more than a couple of days.”
“Sometimes that’s all it takes.” She didn’t care that she was letting him believe something that wasn’t true. Ray needed sound reasons for their breakup and nothing was more sound than her finding someone new. “My mother and father knew from the moment they met that they were destined to be together.”
“Give me a break, Kelly. Love doesn’t happen like that. Not real love. Odds are if your mother had lived, she and your father would be divorced and they would be with other people today.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Oh, grow up.” He flung her hand away. “Look at the statistics. Forever is a greeting card fantasy.”
“Then what is it you’re asking me? You want us to be married–for a while? Until you get bored or someone better comes along?”
“No, of course not. I’m just being realistic. If we go into this without illusions, and it works out better than we thought, think what a coup that will be. We’ve put too much time into this relationship to just toss it away now.”
A sadness enveloped her. “Better now than later, Ray. When I finally do get married–if I ever get married–I want to believe with all my heart that it will last a lifetime. Without that I’d rather be alone.”
“Even if it’s an illusion?”
“Yes, even then.”
“I can’t give you that,” he said. “I can’t even pretend it’s possible.”
He gave Kelly a lopsided grin filled with irony and mischief, reminding her what had drawn her to him in the first place. “My guess is you wouldn’t have gone for the prenuptial agreement I was going to have drawn up either.”
He walked over to the chair and picked up the flowers. “These need to be put in water. No sense letting them go to waste.”
“I’ll take care of them.”
“About the chocolate …”
She exchanged the box for the flowers. “Take it. I know Godiva’s your favorite.”
She walked him out to the car. “Do you have something going with that Matt guy?”
“No,” she answered truthfully. Whether she wanted to have something going with him was another matter.
“He’s not your type, you know. You don’t want to rebound from us and end up with someone like him. It will never work.” He leaned over to give her a kiss good-bye. Their lips touched and it was over. “Take care of yourself.”
“I will.” For one brief moment she felt a twinkling of hope that they might find a way to be friends.
He paused as he started to get into the car. “God, Kelly, I feel so sorry for you. Someday you’re going to look back on this and know it was the biggest mistake you ever made. What I offered might not have lasted, but it was the best chance you’re going to get. Ask your girlfriends. There aren’t a whole lot of men like me out there.”
“Thanks, Ray. You will never know how much it means to me to hear you say that.”
He nodded, missing the point entirely.
She watched him drive away, noting that he waited until he reached the end of the road to stop and open the box of chocolates.
She was free. No guilt, no regrets, no sorrow. Maybe a little numb, but nothing that wouldn’t be gone by morning.