21

My chest collapsed in a great release of air. I sat up, eyes wide. Everyone in the ballroom was staring at me.

Melki was gone.

So was the power within me.

And Bryn was laid flat out on the floor, unconscious. Glowing. My sister was fucking glowing. I crawled over, not trusting my legs to support me. I shook, a billion tiny tremors vibrating at once.

Em dropped down beside me, hugging my shoulder as I sat next to Bryn and put my hand on her forehead, smoothing back the hair from her face. The glow enveloped my hand. Amazing. I looked up and found Aaron kneeling on the other side of Bryn, staring at me with an unreadable expression. After a long moment, he dipped his head. I returned the gesture.

“What happened?” I asked, unsure of what had been real and what had taken place in my mind.

“Momma,” Emma said softly. “You’re glowing, too.”

I blinked, frowning. I lifted my shaky hand to see my skin ringed in white and my arm, my legs … Very dim, however. Not nearly as bright as Bryn’s glow. My hair fell in my line of sight. I reached up and held out a strand—that, too, was glowing.

I started laughing. It was as if I’d been hit with pixie dust from Tinkerbell herself. And I knew now that it had all been real. It all had happened and everything would be okay.

“Bryn’s just passed out,” Aaron said. “She’s breathing. Pulse is a little fast …”

“Momma?”

“Yeah, kiddo?”

“Are you okay?”

I stared at her for a long moment, and cocked my head as I realized that nothing ached or burned. I wasn’t tired. And I was hungry—always a good sign. “I’m fine. I’m glowing like a lightbulb. And I’m okay.”

She shook her head and smiled. “Except you really need a bath.”

“Thank you, my darling child, for pointing that out.”

“Well, you always say to tell the truth …” She stood and held out a small hand to help me up. “Can you stand?”

I took the help, gripping her small hand. Once I was up on my feet and balanced, I hugged her tightly, breathing in her scent and whispering into her hair. “Thank you.”

She pulled back. “For what?”

I smiled and moved a strand of hair from her cheek. “For what you said to Melki. I never want you to put yourself in harm’s way, but—” I cradled both of her cheeks in my palms—“Your courage makes me proud … And I love you.”

“I love you, too. Your glow is fading,” she said with tears in her eyes. “And I was hoping to take you to show-and-tell.”

A half laugh broke through my lips. God, she was getting more like Rex every day. I glanced around the ballroom to get my bearings. The ballroom doors were closed and several warlocks guarded the entrance. The music was off, but the disco ball still spun. From beyond the doors and windows came the sounds of party horns and the sudden rise of voices as they started counting down to New Year’s.

TEN! NINE! EIGHT!

I continued my perusal and found Rex.

SEVEN! SIX! FIVE!

He stood apart from the others. Tears of joy and sorrow ran down his face.

FOUR! THREE!

My heart sank. He knew. Will was gone.

TWO! ONE!

Sadness, grief, understanding, acceptance, it all passed between us in one moment, one look of pure understanding.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

My daughter had lost her father. Forever.

Horns and clapping erupted with the crack of fire-works somewhere high overhead.

“Mom.” Emma tugged at me. I was squeezing her hand too hard. I let go and turned. She grinned broadly at me. “Happy New Year.”

I wrapped her in a hug, whispering against her neck as my heart broke. “Happy New Year, kid.”

“I love you, Momma.”

“I love you, too.”

After clearing the ballroom, we took our small party upstairs to the room Bryn was using during her stay at the League.

Before I went into the room, I used the League phone in the hallway and called the chief—mine had gotten lost somewhere in Charbydon, if I had to guess. I told the chief what had happened to Hank in the parking lot, minus the details of his past—that was for him to tell, not me—and he was swift in his response.

“I’ll put an immediate call in to the terminal. If they try to take him back through the gate, we’ll detain them,” the chief declared. “I’ll get in touch with Washington and I’ll put some serious pressure on the siren delegate here in town. I’ll call as soon as I know anything. Get some rest, Madigan. You’ve been through hell. Literally. If we need to go in and take him back, I’ll need you one hundred percent.”

Easier said than done. Hank was a U.S. citizen. He had rights, and the sirens couldn’t just come into our city and kidnap one of our own. Our big, bad bosses in Washington needed to step up to the plate and do something, anything, to get him back.

“Charlie,” he said more gently than I’d ever heard him before. “There’s nothing you can do at this point. Go home. Eat. Sleep. Let me do my thing. We’ll find him and get him back.”

“Thanks, Chief.” I hung up the phone and stood there staring at the hall table until Emma poked her head around Bryn’s door. “You coming in?”

“Yeah.” I shook my head and went inside to stand by Bryn’s bed side.

The glow on her was almost gone now, and her cuffs had been removed.

“And Solomon?” Aaron asked, staring down at her with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Gone.” But that only solved one part of the problem. She was still addicted to ash and some of the others were still possessed. “Does she have any ash doses here?”

Aaron stepped into the bathroom and rooted in the medicine cabinet. “She has two here,” he called, shut the cabinet, and came back into the room. “I’ll see she gets it.”

“Thanks. Why don’t you and the guys”—I gestured to the two warlocks and Rex—“step out for a minute. I know she wouldn’t want to sleep in those clothes.”

Emma and I removed Bryn’s soiled clothes, washed her off the best we could with damp washcloths, and then dressed her in clean pajamas. After that was done, we pulled the comforter out from under her to cover her properly.

“Thank you, Char …” she mumbled.

I kissed her cheek. “You’re welcome, little sis.”

I straightened, gazing down at Bryn.

“What happened in Charbydon, Mom? Where’s Hank?”

A tight sensation gripped my chest, making me wince. Hank was probably already back in Fiallan. “Let’s just go home. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.” My Nwyvre buzz was wearing off and the exhaustion was starting to set in along with the beginnings of a monster headache.

In the hallway, I explained the situation in detail to Aaron, including Carreg’s version of what had happened. The House of Abaddon would be coming for answers. I had no idea how long we had. “As soon as she wakes up, call me. Don’t let them see her until Rex and I can talk to her.”

“You have my word.”

“Thank you, Aaron.” Before he turned to go, I grabbed his arm. “She has paid enough. You need to move on or forgive her.”

A muscle flexed in his shadowed jaw. I thought he might lay into me about sticking my nose where it didn’t belong, but he just stared at me for a long moment before saying, “I already have. She just won’t accept it.”

He slipped quietly back into the room.

I gathered my kid and my Revenant and went home.

Rex and I took separate showers, washing blood and layers of Charbydon sand and grit down the drain. I sat in the tub, knees pulled to my chest, and cried. For Will. For Emma. And for Hank. I couldn’t save him. I’d had to choose. And I knew in my heart I had done the right thing.

And the chief was right, too. I was spent. I didn’t even have the strength to lift my firearm and focus on a target. Knowing this, though, didn’t make the guilt go away.

Once clean, I dressed for bed, went downstairs, and rang in the New Year, albeit late, around the kitchen table with my family.

I smiled. I talked. I ate the ice cream drenched in hot fudge and whipped cream that Emma decided we should have since she couldn’t drink the bottle of champagne Rex had apparently stolen from the Mordecai House.

But inside I mourned. Rex mourned, too; I could see it behind the stupid jokes and the goofy smiles. We made that moment special for Emma. Because she had lost something irreplaceable and soon her life would change and her heart would break …

The pall continued to hang over me as I tucked my sleepy kid into bed. “Night, kiddo.” I kissed her forehead.

“You mean good morning,” she said, smiling.

“Smarty pants.” I shook my head, stepped over Brim snoozing on the carpet, and paused before closing her door. “Brim needs a bath first thing tomorrow. He reeks.”

“Okay.”

I shut the door and went tiredly down the stairs, every step carrying with it more weight and worry. The kitchen lights were already off, and the soft glow of the television led me down the hall to the living room where Rex sat on the couch.

I plopped down, pulling my feet in and snuggling into the cushy vee where the arm and the back of the couch met.

Rex turned down the volume and then angled his body to face me. “What the hell happened back there, Charlie?”

I didn’t even know if the tale would come. It took a long time for me to answer, to find the right words, the right state of mind. I found neither. “He wanted to leave,” I finally said.

Saying those quiet words out loud gave the whole thing a sense of finality. It felt like a fist squeezed my heart. “The sylphs’ gifts … they allowed me to see him. I held his hand. Pulled him out. He wanted to go, said he wouldn’t come back normal.” I rubbed a hand down my face and let out a loud sigh. “I don’t know if I did the right thing.”

I glanced to the ceiling. Above. Where my kid slept happy and content. My throat thickened. I shook my head. “How am I going to tell her?”

I couldn’t do it. How did I look her in the eye and tell her Dad was gone? A tear slipped out. Rex moved over the cushions and slipped an arm around me, pulling me into a hug. “I’m sorry.”

My head fell against his shoulder. I turned into him, trying to hold out, but it was a losing battle. The floodgates opened. And I grieved for the loss of my ex-husband. He was gone. He was never coming back.

Rex held me, rubbing my back, kissing the top of my head, and giving me a supportive squeeze every now and again.

By the time I finally sat up, my face was swollen and hot. I couldn’t breathe, my nasal passages were blocked, and my head pounded.

Rex reached over the couch and grabbed a tissue from the box on the sofa table. He handed it over, watching me for a while, a frown wrinkling his forehead.

“What?” I finally asked.

“I know you and Em wanted me to stay because Will was still here.” He paused, gazing at the television without focus. “But now … Do you want me to leave?”

A half laugh, half sob escaped. I shook my head. “No. You definitely cannot leave us.”

Frustration tightened his jaw. “Why? Because I look like him? It’s just me now. He’s gone. You have to understand. Em has to understand. I can never be him.”

I glanced down at the ball of tissue in my hands, unwinding it to fold it over and over again until it was a tiny square. I drew in a deep inhale. “I know, Rex. Even when you tried to be him, you couldn’t. Emma will understand. She loves you, you know. Not just because you look like him. She’ll understand …”

His lips thinned. The muscles in his jaw flexed, and he ran a hand down his rugged face. Tension and emotions swirled around him. He scanned the room before settling his attention back on me. “And you?”

My sad grin widened a little. “I’m getting there. But,” I pointed out, “only in a platonic way.”

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t have to kick me when I’m down.” But I knew he wasn’t serious. Rex was well aware I’d never have a thing for him, and I was pretty sure he was all bluster and would never have a thing for me either. “Speaking of … what the hell happened to Hank back at the station? I saw the sirens …”

I unwound the square and started working on folding it like the flag. “They came to take him home. Apparently they think he’s a traitor. But he’s not. They got it so wrong.”

“You really like him.”

I wasn’t sure if that was a question or a statement, but I answered anyway. I was answering Rex when I should’ve answered Hank when he’d asked me in Charbydon. “Yes. I really like him.” Him. Not what he was, but who he was. And now I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get the chance to tell him.

A gleam appeared in Rex’s eyes. “So when are we going into Elysia? We’ll probably be banned for life from Charbydon, might as well make it two for two.”

“We are not going anywhere.”

“But you are going after him.”

“Of course. I’ll have to talk to the chief, make plans.” And I desperately needed a few hours of sleep if I was going to be any help at all. “When I do go, I’ll need you to stay here with Emma. I won’t know how long it’ll take. And I don’t want to worry about her …” Rex’s blinding grin made me pause. “What are you smiling for?”

“Nothing.” He looked pleased as punch. “Just … you trust me.”

I blinked. “Well, I thought we’d established that a long time ago. Where have you been the last few months? Look, nothing has changed, Rex, except that Will won’t be coming back. I know what you’re made of. You’ve been with us all this time, from the beginning of all this … craziness. I trust you. I know you love my kid.”

Red rose through the scruffy jaw and up over his cheeks. “Blindsided me, that kid,” he joked. “When did that happen?”

I shrugged, trying to be nonchalant even though I wanted to start crying again. “She’s an easy kid to love.” I released a heavy exhale, chuckling as I did. Making light. Trying to hold it together.

“That’s one thing I haven’t done, you know?” Rex parked his elbow on the back of the couch and rested his head on his hand. “In all my years. In all the bodies I’ve been in …” He stared off into nothing, his mood reflective, his voice quiet. “Didn’t get the chance when I was a jinn either …”

“The chance for what?”

“To be a father.”

Time seemed to stand still in that moment. We didn’t speak. Just stared off into space, unable to look at each other.

I cleared my throat and drew in a stabilizing breath. “I don’t know what to say to that.”

“You don’t have to say anything. I’m not looking to replace Will, not in that way. But I can still be a father figure. A male presence in her life. I’ve done just about everything I’ve ever wanted to and way more than I could’ve imagined. I’m tired. I want to settle down, be part of something, part of a family.” His eyes narrowed. “And you tell anyone I said all this, I’ll go Chuck Norris on your ass so fast, your head will spin.”

I laughed. “Well, you were pretty quick with those chair legs …”

A deep smile brightened his face. Dimples. White teeth. Charming as hell. Just like Will. But never Will again. I sighed.

Get used to it, Charlie.

Rex leaned over and grabbed the afghan from the basket by the side of the couch. “Come on.” He patted his chest and leaned back. “Come to Daddy.”

Oh my God. I shook my head, laughing, crying, and beyond exhausted.

“Rest, Charlie. It’s okay to lean on someone else, you know.” He held out his arm. “Come, come.”

I crawled forward and laid flat on top of him. He let out a suffocated oomph and I hugged him tightly. “Thank you,” I whispered, kissed his cheek, and then rolled off of him and onto my feet. “Good night, Rex.”

“Night, Charlie.”

The next morning, Rex and I sat down at the kitchen table.

And we told Emma everything.

To say it was horrible was a severe understatement.

She just stared at us. Blank. Stunned. Unable to process what we told her. It was the longest moment of my life. I heard every bird chirp, every car pass, every tick of the clock in the living room.

It was as though time was suspended for this one cruel moment.

Emma had such an expressive face. Her big brown eyes were so wide, so round, so glassy. They latched onto me, desperate. So desperate. And I held them with my own, reaching across the table to grab her hand.

She didn’t move. Her eyes said everything. Her face was a progression of disbelief, denial, panic, acceptance, and slow, agonizing grief. I watched each phase, feeling it all with her.

Never having done this before, I experienced a moment of uncertainty—more like panic—but I was trying to be calm and figure out how to comfort her and what to say. But when that first fat tear fell and her face turned red, I went down on my knees in front of her and gathered her into my arms as though she was a toddler, lifted her up, and carried her into the living room. I sat down with her in my lap and held her tightly.

Inside, my heart raced. I fought hard to suppress my emotions, to be there for her, to be strong, and not crack right along with her.

I smoothed her hair, kissed her forehead. My shoulder was already wet with her tears and her cries were loud and keening, like a young child with no inhibitions. The pain that came out of her was raw. I cried so hard that I only saw Rex as a blurry form that sat down beside us. His head rested on the back cushion. He put his hand on her back.

And we stayed like that for what seemed like forever.

I stood on the closed-in front porch, staring out at the soccer field across the street and biting the inside of my cheek. Supper was almost ready and the smells from the kitchen were warm and spicy.

Hank was gone. The chief had confirmed that the sirens passed through the terminal last night before the call went through to stop them. It appeared that Hank had gone willingly. With his badge and law enforcement credentials, he didn’t need a visa or a permit. He could go wherever he wanted. And he did. He was gone. An entire world away, and no doubt in Fiallan.

I kept trying to convince myself that the Circe wouldn’t put him back into the grid, but who was I kidding? To him, it was a punishment worse than death. To the people of Fiallan it was the best way to achieve their lame idea of justice. Tears pricked my eyes.

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

Sorry because I couldn’t leave. Not when my kid was grieving, not when she needed me.

We’d stayed on the couch for hours. Then Emma had slept for several more. Now she was awake and in the shower. During her nap, I’d called to check in with Aaron, the chief, Sian, and then with Marti to see how Amanda was doing. The best bit of news, though, was the fact that Sian had been able to fly in an exorcist from Canada, and he’d already started interviewing the ash victims. No cure as of yet, but living with an addiction was far easier when you did it without a parasite pulling the strings.

The nobles had yet to show up. And during my conversation with the chief earlier, he said he’d notify me as soon as they came through the gate.

If we could convince the nobles that Bryn had gone into Telmath possessed by Solomon—and we had plenty of witnesses here to attest to that—and stuck to the story about Solomon jumping into the noble Carreg had killed, then my sister might actually come out of this okay.

I bit down harder on my cheek, crossing my arms over my chest as I watched a couple of teens tossing a football.

My thoughts turned to the shadow creature. After using Nwyvre in the ballroom, it was very clear the creature only showed up when I used my own power. Nwyvre was never mine. The last time I used my power had been at the portal in Charbydon. Wherever that thing was now, I knew it’d be back. Going into Fiallan to save Hank was going to require everything I had, and I’d be damned if that creature was going to stand in my way.

I bit the inside of my cheek, wondering if there was a way to thwart the creature’s radar. Maybe I’d pay another visit to the Grove to see if Pendaran had learned anything new. I could pick his brain about his time in Gorsedd with Hank and maybe gain some insight into the sirens of Fiallan.

It wouldn’t hurt to remind him to stay alert, too.

Grigori Tennin was not going to give up the search for the First One.

And with Solomon out of the way, Tennin would step up his plans. He’d continue to wage his battle for control over Charbydon. Or Atlanta. God only knew what his true goal was …