Thirty-one
Edward had no idea
how it had happened, but one moment he was skulking just outside
the alley, freaking out—
What the hell is Rachael doing there?
—and the moment after
that he was dangling in the air from the fists of a shockingly
strong man.
“I have not yet
decided how dangerous you are. Shall we discuss it, you and
I?”
Finally! Someone who
dressed and spoke appropriately for a paranormal moment. From what
he could see (though things were already going fuzzy around the
edges) the guy was huge, tall, broad-shouldered, and dressed in
black.
“Outstanding! We
gonna talk about it while I die from—gggkkkk!—oxygen deprivation?
Or no, wait! Kkkkkk! You can throw me off the roof. Could you say
you shall rue the day you crossed my
path in your deep scary voice while you throw me off a
roof?”
“But for my love,”
Dark Dude muttered, “I would tolerate none of this.” He dropped
him, and Edward flopped to the ground, coughing and gazing up at
Dark Dude.
“You got it right,”
he said happily. “You got it all right. I’m . . . I’m just so
happy. I’ve been waiting my whole life for someone like
you.”
“Alas, I am happily,
deliriously, eternally married,” he said dryly. “And I must say,
don’t think I’ve ever seen that reaction before. Why are you
here?”
“I’m spying for my
best friend, a vampire slayer,” he replied promptly. He never
hesitated to tell a vampire the truth, with Boo and Greg’s fervid
encouragement. It had saved his life more than once. The vamp would
often get so rattled he or she forgot all about Edward in their
haste to get the hell out of Dodge. “And you guys are gonna get it!
Zombies and evil baby farms. Be ashamed!”
“I have not the
vaguest idea what you are talking about. And I suspect I do not
want to.”
“She put you up to
this, right?” It was starting to make sense. Horrible, horrible
sense. Well, you knew all along Rachael was
too good to be true. And now you know why. “I should have
seen it. I really should have.”
“You sound a bit like
Cape Cod.”
“I don’t have a Cape
accent,” he retorted.
“You do, actually, a
slight one. That means you’re from the coast . . . and that means
you are acquainted with Ghost.”
Duh. Of course this
guy knew who Boo was. Her fearsome reputation had obviously spread
to the Midwest. Well, it saved time. He wouldn’t have to tell Dark
Dude who she was and why he should be deeply
terrified.
“Yeah, that’s right,
pal. And when she gets here, and sees that you’ve mangled me even a
little bit, she’ll take it out on your undead ass.”
“Excellent.”
“What?”
“You must call her
straightaway.”
“What?”
Dark Dude made an
impatient gesture. “I have been aware of her for some time. And I
believe she is aware of the recent regime change.”
“Totally aware,” he
lied, having no idea what Dark Dude was talking about.
“Yes. So. Please call
her at once and ask her to visit.”
“Dude. If I call
Ghost for a visit, the death count will hit two figures,
guaranteed.”
“Do it. As soon as
you can. And make sure she has our address.”
“Our address?”
“It’s in the
newsletter,” he said impatiently.
“Yeah, about the
newsletter . . . don’t you think it’s big-time dumb
to—”
“I don’t like this.
Not any of it. Run along and call for help, little man. I must see
to the queen’s safety.”
“Oh . . . her? She
doesn’t need protecting. She’s in a class by herself.” The lying
faithless bitch.
“How wise of you to
know it.”
“Uh . . . how are you
walking around in daylight?”
“Call it a perk of
royalty.”
“I call it freaky and
big-time strange. Aren’t you going to, I dunno, try to bite me, or
threaten me with hideous mutilation, or something?”
“Make sure Ghost has
the address. You might want to give her directions, just in case.
Or you could just drive her straight over.”
“Sure,” he said,
beyond mystified. “I’ll get right on that.”
“Excellent. Oh, and
young man? If I catch you skulking near my love even once more, I
will pull your spine out through your mouth.”
Now that was more
like it! “Do your worst, you foul nightstalking ghoul of the . . .
where’d you go?”
The guy had done a
total Batman . . . left while Edward was still getting his
bearings.
If not for the awful
thing he’d found out, it would have been the most exciting
encounter of his life. Well. After bluff sex.