twenty-one
Through the curtain of heavy, exhausted slumber and codeine Hella heard the short angry wails of hunger. Fully awake it gave her a feeling of pleasant anxiety, knowing how easily she could still the infant; she listened, then left her bed to prepare the bottle.
She felt weak though she had slept well the last two nights. The constant use of codeine had taken effect and the pain in her head and mouth was numbed. She reached up and felt surprised and shocked that her fingers and cheek met so quickly. Her face had swollen even more during the night but die had felt no pain. Waiting for the baby's milk to heat she took another codeine tablet, shoving it down her throat with her finger. It was hard now to swallow saliva. Then she brought the child his bottle and absolute quiet descended on the room.
She was very tired and she stretched out on the bed again. In the other rooms she could hear Frau Saunders moving about, cleaning her own two rooms and the living-room they shared. They had been lucky with Frau Saundears, Hella thought And Walter liked her. She hoped he would bring the marriage papers so they could leave Germany. Now she was always afraid, more about the chad than anything. That if the child became ill they could not get any American medicines. They couldn't take chances on the black market where the baby was concerned.
When she felt a little stronger Hella rose from the bed and cleaned her own rooms. Then she went into the living-room. Frau Saunders was already sitting by the iron stove and drinking coffee. There was a filled cup waiting for Hella.
“When is your man coming back?” Frau Saunders asked. “Wasn't he supposed to have come this morning?”
“He has to stay a few days longer,” Hella said. “He will have definite news when he calls tonight on the telephone. You know what documents are.”
“Have you told him about the penicillin?” Frau Saunders asked.
Hella shook her head.
“I thought this Yergen was really a friend of yours,” Frau Saunders said. “How could he possibly do such a thing?”
“I don't think it was his fault,” Hella said. ‘The doctor t&ld me it was impossible to use because it hadn't been properly cared for. It was really penicillin. Yergen would have no way of knowing.”
“He must have known,” Frau Saunders said. Then dryly, “He will find his profit small when Herr Mosca goes to visit him.”
In the other room the baby began to 07 and Hella went to bring him out Frau Saunders said, “Let me hold him.” Hella gave her the baby and went for some clean diapers.
When she brought the fresh linen into the room Frau Saunders said, “Here, let me change him.” It was a ritual they went through in the morning.
Hella took the empty iron pail beside the stove and said, “I'll go down for some briquets.”
“You're not strong enough yet for that,” Frau Saunders said. But she was tickling the baby and spoke automatically.
The morning air was iced with autumn, dying summer sunlit trees and fallen leaves with dark-brown and reddish fire. From somewhere Hella could smell a deep, cidery tang of fallen apples; beyond the rising, gardened hills she could smell the freshness of the Weser River newly washed by autumn rains. On the other side of the Kurfursten A1-lee she saw a young, pretty girl with four small children playing underneath the trees, kicking dead brown leaves piled high as snowdrifts. Then she felt very cold and went inside.
She went down the cellar stairs and unlocked the wire-mesh door which enclosed her portion of the basement She filled the pail with oblong coal briquets. She tried to pick up the pail and to her surprise found that she could not. She made a great effort. The strength drained out of her body and she felt faint. For one moment she was frightened. She held onto the wire screen and the faintness faded away. She took three of the briquets and put them in her apron, holding the ends of it to form a basket. She snapped the lock of the wire door with her one free hand and then began to climb the stairs.
Halfway up the last flight her legs refused to move. She stood for a moment in surprise, unaware. A terrible chill struck her body. A great vessel burst and pain stabbed through her brain like an iron pike so that she did not hear the coal slip out of her apron and crash down the stairs. As in terror she began to fall, she saw Frau Saunders's veiled face leaning over the banister, the baby in her arms, seeing them hazily but very close. She raised her arms to them and began to scream and then began to fall away from Frau Saunders's horrified face and the white swaddled baby, and still screaming, fell away from her own screams so that she never heard them.