2004
It was Liv who telephoned later with the first stories of the disaster.
‘Are you OK?’ she asked anxiously. ‘Did you have that thunderstorm?’
‘We've had everything,’ said Julia. ‘The roads are dangerous. Please stay put, Liv.’
‘I shall. The café’s packed. There are some scary stories coming in about a flood at Boscastle.’
‘A flood?’ Julia could hardly speak for terror.
‘The Valency's burst its banks,’ said Liv. ‘I hope Zack and Caroline changed their minds when the rain started and went home.’
‘They were supposed to be here for tea but they're very late. I can't get hold of them on their mobiles but I think that might be because they're out of signal. They're not at home.’
‘Shit,’ said Liv. ‘We'll just keep trying their mobiles. I'm sure they're fine, Mum. By the way, I've had an email from Andy. I gather you spoke last night? Well, he's feeling a bit of a twit and he's absolutely furious with Cat for harassing us all. He had no idea she was coming down to Cornwall and he's beginning to realize that she's still the same old Cat. I think we can feel pretty safe that it's all over.’
‘I was horrid to him,’ said Julia remorsefully. ‘I did my voice. The one you all call my captain's wife thing.’
Liv laughed. ‘He'll survive,’ she said cheerfully. ‘And try not to worry about Zack and Caroline.’
‘Let me know if they get in touch with you,’ said Julia anxiously. ‘Bye, darling.’ She put down the telephone. ‘The Valency's burst its banks and flooded Boscastle,’ she said to Em. ‘It sounds like Lynton and Lynmouth all over again. Oh my God, I wonder where Zack and Caroline are. I do hope they won't risk coming out here. The lanes are in a terrible state.’ At last she spoke her fear; the premonition that had been with her all day. ‘It couldn't happen again, could it, Aunt Em? Life couldn't be so cruel.’
She picked up her mobile and keyed in Zack's number: still no reply. Simply because she needed something to do, she put the kettle on the hotplate ready to make more tea. Em watched her, seeking for some kind of reassurance but finding no words that were adequate. When the phone rang Julia seized it anxiously: Zack's voice.
‘Mum,’ he said. ‘Just to let you know that we're at Derriford. Caroline's in labour.’
‘Oh, darling.’ She was weak with relief. ‘Oh, thank God. You didn't go to Boscastle after all?’
‘Yes, we did. And we managed lunch at The Wellington but then Caroline began to get pains so we just leaped in the car and headed for Plymouth. It all happened so quickly and the weather was appalling. I was terrified we weren't going to make it. I should have phoned but I'm afraid everything went out of my mind. I'm sorry, Mum. Look, I must go. I'll be in touch.’
‘Give Caroline my love,’ she said. ‘Oh, darling, I'm so glad you're safe.’
‘Where are they?’ asked Em. ‘I gather they're not in Boscastle.’
Julia sat down, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. ‘They were there for lunch but Caroline's pains started and they shot off to Derriford. Caroline's in labour but they're safe.’ Tears spurted from her eyes and she put her hands over her face. ‘I was so afraid,’ she cried. ‘I thought it was going to happen all over again. Just like me and Tiggy I've felt Tiggy with me ever since I came back from Hampshire, as if she was trying to tell me something. Oh God, it's been awful. And the real problem is that we can't draw a line under it, can we? We'll never know whether something else might pop out of the woodwork all the while this trial is running.’
‘Probably not, but we've done everything we can do to protect Zack. We can't legislate for every eventuality but we've done the best we can. You can't win with this one, Julia. By keeping your promise to Tiggy you have to keep the truth from Zack.’
‘But supposing he were to find out from someone else? It's like the adoption thing all over again, isn't it? Too soon and it might be damaging; too late and someone else might get in first. But this time I really feel I have no choice.’
‘If Cat hadn't jumped the gun, you and Pete would have told Zack he was adopted when you judged that he was old enough to deal with it, and maybe one day you will be able to tell him about this too, but there are times when the truth is better left untold. This is one of them.’
There was a little silence.
‘When I was out there on Glebe Cliff,’ Julia said, ‘I remembered the day we went there together, me and Tiggy and the children. It was such a wonderful day and we were all so happy.’
She fell silent and Em got up and went round the table to her. She put her arm about Julia's shoulders and laid her cheek against her head.
‘My poor darling,’ she said compassionately. ‘What a week it's been. I think the worst is over now. I'll make the tea and then we'll phone Liv and tell her that they're safe and ask her to send an email to Andy. After that you could text a message to Pete to tell him he's about to become a grandfather for the third time.’
They watched the news; silent in shocked horror at the images of the Boscastle flooding. The scene was one of devastation: the swollen river, with trees and rocks jammed in its roaring throat, and a bright red car that bobbed like a Dinky toy and wedged upended, lights still on, beneath the bridge; a father with his daughter, clinging together in mid-air, rescued from the rooftops by helicopter; a caravan, fragile as a cardboard box, bouncing backwards on the floodtide. The noise was terrific: the thundering of water and the thrashing of helicopter rotor blades, the shouting urgent voice of the reporter.
‘There were two miracles last night,’ Em was to say the next morning to Liv. ‘One was that no lives were lost in the Boscastle flood and the other was Zack's baby.’
Zack phoned at a quarter to seven whilst they were still watching the news. His voice was jubilant.
‘It's a little girl. Seven pounds two ounces. She's lovely and Caroline's fine.’
‘Oh, Zack.’ Julia could barely speak for relief. ‘Oh, thank God.’ She made joyful signs to Em. ‘And Caroline's really OK?’
‘She did wonderfully well and she's so excited. She's spoken to her mother and they're travelling down tomorrow. She's resting now but if you want to come in to see her she says that she'd love to see you, Mum. The staff sister says that'll be all right but just you for this first visit and not for too long, if that's OK.’
On the journey into Plymouth Julia could still feel Tiggy beside her but this time there was no tension. With Zack's news all the doubts and fears of the last week had miraculously vanished, and Julia was filled with an exhilarating mixture of peace and excitement.
‘Our granddaughter,’ she murmured aloud to Tiggy as she turned north on to the A30. ‘Yours and mine. That's how I feel about her because Zack is yours and mine, isn't he? It was hard to begin with, because I resented losing my own baby and I'd imagine you were watching and feeling sad because I found it so difficult. But it wasn't because I didn't love him, you know that. It was just because I was always fighting the guilt and the sadness, and each time I looked at Zack those feelings resurfaced. And then, that day with Angela, I knew that it was different. My grief for my own baby and my love for Zack could be separate. And the amazing thing was that, very gradually, it was as if they merged into one person: Zack and my baby. The other odd thing was that, though I missed you so terribly and I still do, because of him you've always been around.’
The car passed over Hendra Downs, fled past Launceston, turned eastward on to the Tavistock road.
‘I felt so guilty, Tiggy. I went over it and over it, reliving it and doing that awful “if only” stuff, but in the end you just have to get over it, don't you? All the time he was growing up I just longed for you to be there, really there. When he made the first fifteen and got good grades for his A levels, and the passing-out parade at Dartmouth, that's when I really missed you. The weird thing was that I often had such a strong feeling that you were beside me. Like now. I remember you telling me once that when you were out on Glebe Cliff you had the feeling that all the earthly barriers dissolved and you felt close to Tom. At the time it seemed a bit scary; a bit fanciful. But there have been times when I've understood what you meant. I mean, this is crazy, isn't it? Talking to you as if you were here in the car with me.’
Julia laughed; she was so happy driving fast through the gathering dusk, crossing the River Tamar at Greystone Bridge, passing through Milton Abbot, heading for Tavistock.
‘Do you remember the way we were that spring and summer, Tiggy? We had no idea what was ahead, thank God, but that year we had so much fun. For a while I thought it had all ended on that awful day; everything seemed finished. And now here I am, driving to see our granddaughter; Zack's child. I suppose there are no ends or beginnings, not really. It's only that we're so wrapped up in our tiny view of life that we can't see the whole journey.’
In the west, the last gleams of watery golden light flooded the cloud-laden horizon. Through Yelverton, over the open moor and down into Roborough: it was nearly dark as she approached Derriford Hospital, parked the car and ran in through the doors of the maternity wing.
Caroline was in bed, cradling her baby; Zack sat beside her, his face bright with love and pride. He smiled up at Julia, such a special look, and it seemed to her that Tiggy was still beside her, slipping her hand under her arm; Julia instinctively pressed her elbow against her side, her heart bursting with joy.
Caroline lifted the child, holding her up towards Julia, whose arms went out to receive her. She took the little girl and held her, looking down at the tiny crumpled face.
‘We've been thinking about names,’ Caroline was saying, ‘and after Liv told me about the Celtic names we wondered if we might call her Tegan. But the minute we saw her we knew, didn't we, Zack?’
Zack nodded, his arm tightening about her, and they both smiled at Julia.
‘Her name's Claerwen,’ Caroline said happily. ‘Clare for short.’