25

I arrived back at the flat to see Cath stood in the middle of the living room holding Buttons. She was shaken and trembling, and so was the dog. The place had been trashed. There was broken glass on the floor, and dirt from the plants had been ground into the rug by the fireplace. The television was gone, torn from the wall, and shortly after I noticed that, I noticed the rest of the electronics were gone, too.

I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn't. I lit a Regal instead. Couldn't stop looking around at the carnage. If I didn't believe Ahmad had arranged for Beale's kicking before, I sure as hell believed it now. Question was, how did he get my address? What, was he following me now? I remembered Asian blokes watching us this past weekend, but I didn't figure on them tailing us home. At the time, I hadn't reckoned on them being anything other than Asian blokes.

Cath moved to the sofa and sank down into it. As soon as Buttons saw the chance, he wriggled and jumped from her grasp, skittering across the floor. She shouted after him. "Oh God, mind his paws!"

"Leave him. What happened, Cath?"

"He'll get glass in his paws, Alan."

"Fuck his paws," I shouted. "Look at me, what happened?"

She looked up at me. Her eyes were pink from crying, her hands now knotted in her lap. She looked old and weak, reminded me how old and weak I was, and I hated her for it. When she spoke, I saw her bottom teeth. They were small and thin and the gum was receding from them as if it couldn't bear to be near. I shook the thought. She was telling me something. I had to listen.

" ... and they didn't say who they were, Alan. I asked them, I asked them a hundred times, but it was like I wasn't there. They just barged in, started making a mess." She looked around her, taking it in as if for the first time, and she showed more of her bottom teeth. "They took the television."

"I noticed."

"I tried to stop them."

I doubted it. Probably took one look at them and spent the rest of the time screaming at them from across the room.

She started crying. "They took my jewellery."

Anything of value. Figured. This was a down payment. All the fuss she would've made, she was lucky she hadn't ended up like Beale.

I finished the Regal, ground it in an ashtray and lit another one as I went through to the bedroom. They'd ransacked the room, looked like they'd taken great pleasure in upending the mattress, pulling out drawers and chucking them across the room. I blew smoke, felt a tremor in my hand. This wasn't going to end well. After the Paki comment, I didn't think I could win Ahmad round with my sparkling personality, and I got the feeling that he was looking to recover his money as messily as possible.

My forehead ached. I rubbed it.

I smelled Cath's perfume as she sidled up behind me. She put her hand on my arm. I didn't move. She wanted comforting. I wasn't in a fit state to give it, nor did I particularly want to, but I did. She shook in my arms and I stared at the wall behind her.

"It's okay," I said.

She looked up. "How is it okay?"

"It'll be fine. I'll sort it out."

She wiped her face. "Yes, we should call the police." I held her fast. She tried to move, then looked back at me. "Alan, get off. You're hurting me."

I paused. I didn't want to let her go. But she was getting more and more flustered, so I had to. She adjusted her clothing and I tried to paper the cracks in my voice before I spoke. "We don't need the police."

"Do you know who did this?"

I didn't answer.

"We've just been robbed." Her voice hitting a pitch that made my eyes ache. "We need to report it."

"No, we don't."

She shook her head and made for the living room. "For the insurance ..."

"What did I tell you?" I said, and followed. "Wait a second."

She had her hand on the phone. Finished dialling. I heard a voice at the other end. I grabbed the phone out of her hand, slammed it down and hit her as hard as I could. She buckled, tripped, brought the telephone table down with her as she hit the carpet. I stood frozen for a minute, watching her as she pulled herself upright, her face turned away from me.

"I told you." There was a shake in my voice that I cleared out along with my throat. "I said I had it sorted. Listen to me."

She went over to the sofa and sat down. She looked at the floor. One hand was up by her eye, fingers pressed to the socket. She wet her lips and blinked. "They'll come anyway. You hung up on them. They'll have to come."

"Cath, I'm sorry."

"No, you're not." She sniffed, removed her fingers from her face. Her cheek was red. I'd drawn blood with my wedding ring. I adjusted it. "You've been wanting to do that for a long time, Alan. Don't pretend you haven't."

"I haven't. Really."

She looked at me now, her eyes watery. "Why don't you just ask for a divorce? Why don't you be a man about it?"

"Because I don't hate you. I love you."

She shook her head. Stuck out her bottom lip.

I went up to her, got down on my knees. I felt glass grinding through my trouser leg. I didn't touch her – I'd already made a mess of that. Instead, I tried to get eye contact and hold it, the first tool of sincerity. When I had it, she seemed to soften, and I chanced my hand, settling it lightly upon hers. She didn't flinch, barely moved.

"I do love you. I've just been distracted lately. I won't lie to you, it's been tough at work, and I've been trying to escape that with Beale and the clubs and I've been taking it out on you. I didn't mean to. I really didn't. I'm sorry. I won't let it happen again, I promise."

She didn't reply. She didn't move. She was a stone.

"I know who did this," I said.

She looked up then. "Who?"

"You don't know and it's probably best it stays that way. They're not the sort of people you need to know. But phoning the police won't do us any good right now."

"If you know who it was—"

"Cath, listen, calling the police won't help the situation. You need to trust me when I say I'm going to sort this, okay? Do you trust me?"

She regarded me for a long time. The throb in her cheek kept her from saying yes immediately. In fact, I was beginning to think that belting her had scuppered my chances entirely.

"Cath, I need you to trust me, and I need to be able to trust you. I don't want to see you hurt any more than you already are."

Something flashed in her eyes then. The corners nipped in quickly and released. She was blaming me. She had a point. Her voice hardened. "We need to put a claim in on the insurance, Alan. They took my mother's jewellery."

"I need you to stay here for me. I'm going out, I'm going to sort all this out, and I'll be back later on. I might even be able to get the jewellery back, okay? I'll do my best, anyway. And I know we need to call the police to claim, but just do me a favour and wait until I call you to do it, alright? I want to make sure nothing happens to you in the meantime."

Her lips moved, but no sound came out. She rubbed them with the back of her hand.

"Okay?" I said again.

Her resolve cracked, then broke, and she started crying again. The hand that had rubbed her lips went up to her eyes and she appeared to deflate in front of me. I reached up and hugged her, feeling her shudder under me.

"It'll be okay, love. Just leave it to me. It'll be fine."

And for a moment there, I believed it.