Twelve
050
“Okay,” Opal said. “Be totally honest. Angel Baby or Calm Waters? ”
“What happened to just blue?” Jason asked.
She looked down at the two color swatches she was holding. “I don’t know. It’s too boring, I guess. And they’re both blue.”
“I like this one,” Tracey said, flicking her finger at the lighter color on the right. “It looks like the ocean.”
“So does the other one,” Jason pointed out. “I honestly can’t tell the difference.”
“The other one has higher hues, more white in it. This one”—Tracey picked up the swatch on the left, flipping it over—“Angel Baby, has darker notes going to lighter, but it’s more of a mix.”
Opal and Jason just looked at her as she turned the swatch back over, sliding it back in place. “What?” she said. “I’m into art, okay?”
“Clearly,” Jason said. “That was impressive.”
“So we’ve got one vote for Angel Baby, and one no opinion. Maybe I should go back to the yellows.” Opal sighed, picking up a stack of swatches and flipping through them, then looked up and saw me. “Hey! Mclean! Come tell me what you think.”
I walked over to the bar, dropping my backpack onto a chair. “About what?”
“Colors for the new-and-improved upstairs alfresco dining area,” she said.
“You’re going to reopen the second floor?” I asked.
“Well, not right now. I mean, there’s the model, and we still have to get the restaurant on a better footing.” She laid out the two swatches. “But now that Chuckles has spared us, he might be open to some ideas for expanding and improvement. He’s supposed to come in tonight, passing through town, so I’d thought I’d just plant the idea in his head.”
“I do not like the idea of having to go up and down stairs to my tables,” Tracey said.
“And there’s the question of keeping food warm during the trip,” Jason added.
“Where is your sense of adventure? Of change? This could be really, really good for the restaurant. A return to its past glory days!” Opal said. They just looked at her, and She laghed, flipping her hand, then turned her attention to me. “Okay. Mclean. Pick one.”
I looked down at the colors. Two blues, different and yet so similar. I couldn’t see notes of white, or various shading, and didn’t know the language Tracey used to describe the most subtle of nuances. These days, though, I was sure of one thing: I knew what I liked.
“This one,” I said, putting my finger on the one on the right. “It’s perfect.”
051
 
It was now March, and my dad and I had been in Lakeview for almost two months. Anywhere else, those eight weeks would have followed a routine pattern. Get moved in, get settled, pick a name and a girl. Unpack our few, necessary things, arranging them in the same way as the last place, and the next place. Start school while my dad got a line on whether his restaurant had slimy lettuce or great guacamole, and plan my own moves in terms of joining clubs and making friends accordingly. Then, all that was left was following the signs so I’d know when to pull back, cut for good, and get ready to run.
Here, though, it was different. We’d come in the same way, but since then everything had changed, from me using my real name to my dad starting to date even with no next move in sight. Add in the fact that I was actually on decent terms with my mom, and this was officially an entirely new ball game.
Since I’d agreed to go to Colby for spring break, as well as committed to four other weekends between April and June, my mom and I had reached tentative peace. She’d called her lawyer and withdrawn her custody-review request, and I’d explained the plan to my dad, who was relieved, to say the least. Now, I had the third week in March circled on my calendar in Angel Baby or Calm Waters or just blue, and we had something to talk about that was not a loaded subject. Which was kind of nice, actually.
“Now, the ocean’s going to be freezing, obviously,” she’d said to me the night before, when she called after dinner. “But I’m hopeful that the hot tub will be working and the pool heat up and running, although it might not happen. I’ll keep you posted.”
“Your house has a hot tub and pool?” I’d asked her.
“Well, yes,” she said, sounding kind of embarrassed. “You know Peter. He doesn’t do anything halfway. But his place was a great deal, apparently, a foreclosure or something. Anyway, I can’t wait for you to see it. I spent hours agonizing over the redecorating. Picking colors was a nightmare.”
“Yeah, I bet,” I said. “I have a friend who’s doing that right now. She wanted me to help her, but all the blues looked the same.”
“They do!” she said. “But at the same time, they don’t. You have to look at them in the daylight, and afternoon light, and bright light. . . . Oh, it’s nuts. But I’m really happy with how it turned out. I think.”
It had been weird, I had to admit, to be having such a, well, pleasant conversation with my mom. Like once again, the beach had somehow become a safe place for us to be together, separate from the conflict of her house or this one. So we continued to talk and e-mail about plans for what to do on rainy days, what I wanted to have for breakfast, if I wanted an ocean or sound view. It was easier, so much easier, than what I was used to. Maybe even okay.
Meanwhile, as I was making up with my mom, my dad was busy doing something with Lindsay Baker. As far as I could tell, they’d been on several late lunches—with her giving him the tour of other local eateries—and a couple of dinners when he could get away from Luna Blu, which was rare. Normally, I could tell when my dad was laying groundwork for another escape by how committed he let himself get, as backward as that sounds. Phone calls and lunch dates meant I should proceed as I had been, that nothing was happening. But once I started finding hair elastics that weren’t mine in the bathroom, or someone else’s yogurt or Diet Coke in the fridge, it was time to stop buying staples like sugar and butter and use up what we had instead. So far, none of these things had materialized, at least that I knew of. I was kind of distracted myself, though, to be honest.
It had happened on the night we’d gone to Riley’s, after the game, when Ellis was driving us all back home. Deb had hopped into the front seat, armed with a plate of leftovers packed up by Mrs. Benson for her mom, who Deb had said was working through dinner for overtime, which left me and Dave alone in the back. As Ellis pulled out onto the dirt road, we were all quiet, worn out by all the food and talking, not to mention a great game the U had won with a jump shot in the final seconds. When he put on his blinker at the main road, the ticktock was all you could hear.
There’s something nice about the silence of a car ride in the dark, going home. It reminded me, actually, of those trips back from North Reddemane with my mom, sunburned, with sand in my shoes, my clothes damp from pulling them on over my suit, as I wanted to swim until the very last moment. When we were tired of the radio and conversation, it was okay to just be alone with our thoughts and the road ahead. If you’re that comfortable with someone, you don’t have to talk.
As we headed toward town, I leaned back, pulling one leg up underneath me. Beside me, Dave was looking out the window, and for a moment I studied his face, brightened now and then by the lights of oncoming cars. I thought of all the times we’d been together, how I kept coming closer, then retreating, while he stayed right where he was. A constant in a world where few, if any, really existed. And so as he sat there beside me, I moved a little closer, resting my head on his shoulder. He didn’t turn away from the window. He just lifted his hand, smoothing it over my hair, and held it there.
It was just a tiny moment. Not a kiss, not even real contact. But for all the things it wasn’t, it meant so much. I’d been running for years: there was nothing scarier, to me, than to just be still with someone. And yet, there on that dark road, going home, I was.
Eventually, after dropping Deb at her car, Ellis pulled up in front of my mailbox. “Last stop,” he said as I yawned and Dave rubbed his eyes. “Sorry to break up the moment.”
I flushed, pushing myself out onto the curb, and Dave followed. “Thanks for driving,” he said. “Next time, it’s all me.”
“That car is a safety hazard,” Ellis told him. “We’re better off in the Love Van.”
“Yeah, but it needs to hold up for the road trip,” Dave replied. “Gotta take care of her, right?”
Ellis looked at me, then nodded and hit a button. The back door slid closed, like the curtain at the end of a show. “That’s right. Later!”
Dave and I waved, and then Ellis was driving away, bumping over the speed humps. As we started walking, he reached down, sliding fingers around mine. As he did, I had a flash of that night he’d pulled me into the storm cellar, when he’d taken my hand to lead me up to the world again. It felt like second nature then, too.
We weren’t talking, the neighborhood making all its regular noises—bass thumping, car horns, someone’s TV—around us. The party house had clearly watched the game as well. I could see people milling around inside, and the recycling bin on the porch was overflowing with crumpled beer cans. Then there was my dark house, and finally Dave’s, which was lit up bright, his mom visible at the kitchen table, reading something, a pen in one hand.
“See you tomorrow? ” Dave asked when we reached our two back doors, facing each other.
“See you tomorrow,” I repeated. Then I squeezed his hand.
The first thing I did when I got inside was turn on the kitchen light. Then I moved to the table, putting my dad’s iPod on the speaker dock, and a Bob Dylan song came on, the notes familiar. I went into the living room, hitting the switch there, then down the hallway to my room, where I did the same. It was amazing what a little noise and brightness could do to a house and a life, how much the smallest bit of each could change everything. After all these years of just passing through, I was beginning to finally feel at home.
052
I left Opal reconsidering her yellows, then headed upstairs to the attic room, where I found Deb and Dave already hard at work. This time, though, they weren’t alone. On the other side of the room, sitting in a row of chairs by the boxes of model parts, were Ellis, Riley, and Heather, each of them engrossed in reading a stapled packet of papers.
“What’s going on over there? ” I asked Dave, as Deb bustled by, a clipboard in her hands.
“Deb has shocked them into silence,” he told me. “Which is really hard to do. Believe me.”
“How’d she do it?”
“Her POW packet.”
I waited. By this point, it was understood that if you said one of Deb’s acronyms, you usually had to then explain it.
“Project Overview and Welcome,” Dave said, popping a roof onto a house. “Required reading before you can even think about attempting a sector.”
“It’s not that strict!” Deb protested. I raised an eyebrow at her, doubting this. “It isn’t. It’s just . . . you can’t come into an existing, working system and not educate yourself on its processes. That would be stupid.”
“Of course it would,” Dave said. “God, Mclean.”
I poked him again, and this time, he grabbed my finger, wrapping his own around it and holding it for a second. I smiled, then said, “So, Deb. How’d you manage to double our workforce since yesterday? I didn’t hear you doing the hard sell last night.”
“I didn’t have to sell anything,” she replied, checking something off the top sheet on her clipboard. “The model spoke for itself. As soon as they saw it, they wanted in.”
“Wow,” I said.
She puttered off, clicking her pen top. Beside me, very quietly, Dave said, “Also I might have told them that the sooner this thing is done, the sooner I can up my hours at FrayBake for the road-trip fund. This way they can pitch in during spring break next week, and we can really knock some stuff out.”
“You guys aren’t doing anything for spring break?”
He shook his head. “Nah. We thought about it, but figured we’d just save the money for the real trip later. What, are you taking off or something?”
“With my mom,” I said. “The beach.”
“Lucky you.”
“Not really,” I said as I walked over to my current sector, reacquainting myself with it. “I’d rather be here.”
“You know,” Heather called out to him from across the room, “when you talked me into this, you didn’t say anything about it being like school.”
“It’s not like school!” Deb replied from the other end of the model, where she was checking off things on another one of her lists. “Why would you say that?”
“Because you’re making us study?” Ellis asked.
“If you guys just plunged in, it would totally throw off the SORTA,” Deb told him. “I’m having to completely rejigger the STOW as it is!”
“What?” Heather asked. “Are you even speaking English?”
“She’s speaking Deb,” I said. “You’ll be fluent in no time.”
“I’m done,” Riley said, getting to her feet, her packet in hand. “All fourteen bullet points and the acronym overview.”
“Good,” Heather said, getting up as well. “Then you can explain them to me.”
“This is just like school!” Ellis said. Heather elbowed him, hard. “Hey, don’t get mad at me. You’re the one who can’t even make it through the POW packet.”
“You can take it home tonight, and really go over it then,” Deb assured Heather.
“Oh, okay,” Heather replied. “Because that’s not like school at all.”
“Great!” Deb clapped her hands, picking up her clipboard. “If you’ll all just follow me over to our top sector here, I’ll start your guided tour.”
Ellis got up, then followed Riley and Heather, who was dragging her feet, as they fell in behind Deb. “Are there going to be snacks?” he asked. “I do my best work with snacks.”
Dave snorted. Deb, though, either ignored this or didn’t hear it. “Now, once you’re confident you understand the system, you’ll be assigned a sector. Until then, though, you’ll share one. This one is relatively simple, perfect for beginners. . . .”
As she kept talking, I looked up at Dave, working away across from me, his hair falling into his eyes as he attached a roof to the building in his hands. “Hey,” I said, and he glanced up. “You know that building, behind our houses? The abandoned one?”
“Yeah. What about?”
“It’s on here, but not identified. I realized the other day.” I pulled the building out of the pile I’d assembled beside me, showing it to him. “So I went to the library, to see if I could figure out what it was.”
“Did you?”
I nodded, realizing, as I did so, how much I wanted to tell him. I wasn’t sure why this had been so important to me, only that it seemed fated somehow, that just as things began to feel real and settled, I’d moved onto the part of the map that represented my own neighborhood. There was my house, and Dave’s. The party house, Luna Blu, the street where I caught the bus. And in the middle, this blank building, its anonymity made even more noticeable as it was surrounded by things that were clear and recognizable. I wanted to give it a face, a name. Something more than two faded letters on a rooftop, and a million guesses about what it used to be.
I put the building down in its spot, the tape catching and sticking. Then there was a click, the sure sign it was there to stay. “Yeah,” I told him. “It was—”
“Oh my goodness! Would you look at this.” I turned my head, just in time to see Lindsay Baker, dressed in black pants and a tight red sweater and smiling wide, appear on the landing. My dad, looking markedly less effervescent, was right behind her. “I assumed you all would have made a lot of progress. But this is really impressive!”
Deb, across the model, beamed. I said, “We appointed a good leader. Makes all the difference.”
“Clearly,” she said as she started around the model, making approving noises. After a few steps, she reached back for my dad’s hand, taking hold of it. “Gus, had you seen this? I had no idea the detail was so specific!”
“It’s taken from the most recent satellite-scanning information,” Deb called out. “Model Community Ventures really prides itself on accuracy. And, of course, we’ve tried to follow their lead.”
The councilwoman nodded. “It shows.”
Deb flushed, beyond pleased, and I knew this was her moment, and I should be happy for her. But I was too distracted watching my father as he was led around the far corner of the model, avoiding making eye contact with anyone. Lunch dates and phone calls were one thing. But hand-holding, or any kind of PDA for that matter, was a big red flag.
“Whoa,” Dave said, his voice low. “Your dad and Lindsay Baker, huh? She is a serious Friend of Frazier. Pounds lattes like they’re juice.”
I shook my head, although I was in no position to confirm or deny anything. “I don’t think it’s serious.”
“Gus?” Opal yelled up the stairs. “Are you up there?”
“Yeah,” he replied. “I’ll be right—”
But he didn’t move fast enough. Before he could even begin to extract his hand—and something told me once Lindsay took hold, she had a good grip to her—Opal was already on the landing.
“The meat supplier’s on the phone,” she said, slightly breathless from running up the stairs. “He says you put a change in on our standing order, so it’s week to week now instead of set by the month? I told him that couldn’t be right, but he’s phon”
She stopped suddenly, and I followed her gaze to my father’s hand, still wrapped in the councilwoman’s. “I’ll talk to him,” my dad said, letting go and starting for the stairs. Opal just stood there staring straight ahead as he walked by her.
“Opal, I’m so impressed with what I see here!” Lindsay said to her. “You should be very proud of the progress these kids have made.”
Opal blinked, then looked at the model, and us. “Oh, I am,” she said. “It’s great.”
“I have to admit, I was a little nervous after my last visit !” The councilwoman scanned the model again. “Not that I didn’t have total faith in you, but at the time you seemed a bit disorganized. But Mclean says they’ve got a new team leader—”
“Deb,” I said. I nodded at her, and she beamed again. “It’s all Deb.”
I could feel Opal watching me, her gaze like heat, and I realized too late it was exactly the wrong time to draw attention to myself. “Well, Deb,” Lindsay said, turning her bright smile in that direction, “if that’s true, we’ll look forward to commending you properly at the unveiling ceremony.”
“Oh, that sounds wonderful!” Deb said. She thought for a second, then said, “Actually, I have some ideas about the best way to display it. You know, to really get that optimum wow factor. If you’d like to hear them.”
“Of course.” Lindsay glanced at her watch. “Shoot, I’ve got to get back to my office. Why don’t you walk down with me while I go look for Gus?”
Deb’s face lit up, and she grabbed her clipboard, rushing over to join the councilwoman as she started down the stairs. We all watched them go, none of us talking. When the door at the bottom shut behind them, Opal turned to me.
“Mclean?” she said. “What’s . . . What’s going on here?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know.”
Opal swallowed, then looked around the room, as if only then realizing we had an audience. She shifted her attention to the model, scanning it from one side to the other, then back again. “I had no idea you guys had done this much,” she said. “Guess I need to pay more attention all around.”
“Opal,” I said. “Don’t—”
“I’ve got to go open,” she said. “You guys, um, keep up the good work. It all looks great.”
She turned, disappearing down the stairs. We were only down by about half, but suddenly the room felt downright empty.
“Is it just me,” Heather said in the quiet, “or was that weird?”
“Not just you,” Dave told her.
Riley, from across the room, said, “Is everything okay, Mclean?”
I didn’t know. All that was clear was that everything, including me, suddenly felt wholly temporary. I looked down at the model again. There, the entire world was simple in miniature, clean and orderly, if only because there were none of us, no people, there to complicate things.
053
That night, like most nights, we only worked on the model until 6:00 p.m. This was Opal’s rule, although I sensed my dad had a part in it. It made sense, though: it was one thing to have people moving around upstairs and coming and going for the first hour of service, but another to have to deal with it during the dinner rush.
Dave and I walked back to our houses together. His was lit up, as usual, and I could see his mom and dad in the kitchen, moving around. Mine was dark, except for the side porch light that we always forgot to turn off. I knew this was far from ecofriendly, and I needed to stick a Post-it or something on the door to remind me. Times like now, though, I was glad for the oversight.
“So. You got big dinner plans?” Dave asked me as we started up my driveway.
“Not really. You?”
“Tofu loaf.” He made a face before I could react. “It’s better than it sounds. But still . . . not so good. What’s on your menu? ”
I thought of our fridge, how I’d not had time to get to the store for a few days. Eggs, some bread, maybe some deli meat. “Breakfast for dinner, probably.”
“Aw, really?” He sighed. “That sounds awesome.”
“You should suggest it to your mom.”
He shook his head. “She’s got egg issues.”
“Excuse me?”
“The short version is she doesn’t eat them,” he explained. “The longer one involves certain dietary intolerances combined with ethical misgivings.”
“Oh.”
“Exactly.”
We were at the basketball goal now. I looked over his shoulder into the kitchen, where Mrs. Dobson-Wade was stirring something in a wok while Dave’s dad poured a glass of wine. “It’s nice that you guys eat as a family, though. Even if eggs aren’t allowed.”
“I guess,” he said. “Although more often than not, we’re all reading.”
“What?”
“Reading,” he repeated. “It’s something you do with books?”
“You all sit together at the table and don’t talk to one another?”
“Yeah. I mean, we talk some. But if we all have things we’re engrossed in . . .” He trailed off, looking embarrassed. “I told you that I’m weird. Hence, my family is weird. Although honestly, you should have figured that out already.”
“Weird,” I said, “but together. That counts for something.”
Now he looked at my house, that single outside light, the kitchen dark behind it. “I guess.”
I was ready to go inside. “Enjoy your tofu loaf,” I told him, turning toward my stairs.
“Eat an egg for me.”
I unlocked the door, then immediately turned on the kitchen light, followed by the one in the living room. Then I put on my dad’s iPod on the speaker dock—he’d been in a Zeppelin mood that morning, apparently—broke a couple of eggs into a bowl, and mixed in some milk. The bread in the fridge was a bit old, but not moldy, perfect for toasting. Five minutes later, dinner was done.
Normally, I ate on the couch, in front of the TV or my laptop. This night, however, I decided to get formal, folding a paper towel under my fork and sitting at the kitchen table. I’d just taken a bite of toast when I heard a knock at the door. When I turned around, there was Dave. And his dad.
“We need your TV,” Dave explained when I opened the door. They were both standing there, plates in hand. Behind them, I could see into their dining room, where Mrs. Dobson-Wade was alone at the table. Reading.
“My TV?”
“The Defriese-U game is just starting,” Mr. Wade said. “And our TV is suddenly refusing to change channels.”
“Probably because it’s about twenty years old,” Dave added.
“It is a perfectly fine television,” his dad said, adjusting his glasses with his free hand. “We hardly watch it anyway.”
“Except tonight.” Dave looked at me. “I know it’s asking a lot. But can we—”
I stepped back, waving my hand. “Sure.”
They came in, their silverware rattling on their plates, and bustled into the living room, sitting down on the couch. I turned on the TV, then flipped channels until I spotted my stepfather’s face. The game was about ten minutes in, and Defriese was up by nine.
“How did that happen?” Mr. Wade said, shaking his head as I went and got my plate, sliding into the leather chair beside them.
“Our defense sucks,” Dave replied. Then he sniffed and looked at me. “Oh my God. Those smell amazing.”
“They’re just scrambled. Nothing fancy.” Now, Mr. Wade was eyeing my plate as well. “I . . . I can make you guys some. If you want.”
“Oh, no, no,” Dave’s dad said. He gestured to his plate, where a beige square was bordered by some broccoli and what looked like brown rice. “We’ve got perfectly fine dinners. Your generosity with the TV is quite enough.”
“Right,” Dave said as on the screen, a whistle blew. Mr. Wade grimaced, reacting to the call. “We’re good.”
I turned my attention back to the screen. After a few minutes of fast back-and-forth, one of the U players got fouled and the clock stopped. We watched a couple of beer commercials and a news update, and then the game returned, showing Peter saying something to one of his starters. He clapped him on the back, and the guy started back out onto the court. As Peter sat down, I saw my mom behind him. No twins this time: she was alone, watching the game with a serious expression.
“Making eggs is really no trouble,” I said, jumping up. “I’m done eating, and it will only take a second.”
“Hey, Mclean, you really don’t—” Dave began. I looked at him, then at the screen, where my mother was still in view. “Oh. Well. That would be great. Thanks.”
It was easier to listen to the game than to watch, so I moved slowly as I scrambled the eggs, added milk, and preheated pan. I wasn’t sure what their position was on toast. Gluten issues? Was wheat bad ethically? I stuck some bread in the toaster oven anyway. While I cooked, the U came back, tying up the score, although they racked up some fouls in the process. Between listening to Dave and his dad reacting to the action—groans, claps, the occasional cheer—and the smell of eggs cooking, I could have been back in Tyler, in our old house, living my old life. I took my time.
There were about five minutes left in the half when I came back in, balancing two plates and the roll of paper towels, and deposited them both on the table in front of Dave and his dad. It was just eggs and toast. But by their reaction, you would have thought I’d prepared the most extravagant of feasts.
“Oh my goodness,” Mr. Wade whispered, slowly pushing his half-eaten tofu loaf aside. “Is that . . . Is that butter?”
“I think it is,” Dave said. “Wow. Look at how fluffy and yellow these are!”
“Not like Neggs,” his dad agreed.
“Neggs?” I said.
“Not-eggs,” Dave explained. “Egg substitute. It’s what we use.”
“What’s in them? ” I asked as Mr. Wade took a bite. He closed his eyes, chewing slowly, his reaction so full of pleasure I had to look away.
“Not eggs,” Dave replied. He exhaled. “These are amazing, Mclean. Thank you so much.”
“Thank you,” his dad repeated, scooping up another heaping forkful.
I smiled, just at the game came back on the screen. Immediately, the players were in motion, moving down the court, the U out in front with the ball. As they passed the bench, the action slowed, and I saw Peter again, my mom behind him. As the team set up their offense, I watched as she pulled out her phone, opening it up, and pushed a few buttons, then put it to her ear.
I turned around, looking at my purse, which was on the floor by the couch. Sure enough, I could see a light flashing inside. I pulled out my phone. “Hello?”
“Hey, honey,” she said over the din behind her. “I just had a quick thought about our trip tomorrow. Have you got a second? ”
Dave and his dad erupted in cheers, plates clanging in their laps as the U stole the ball and moved down the court. Where my mom was, there was noticeably less of a reaction.
“Actually,” I said, “I, um, have some people over for dinner.”
“You do?” She sounded so surprised. “Oh. Well, I’ll just call back later, okay?”
“Great,” I said, watching Dave as he took another bite of toast, then smiled at me. Real bread, real butter. All real. “Talk to you then.”