VI
The Furniture That Went Mad
Now IT HAPPENED THAT in the early hours of
Whit-Monday, before Millie was hunted outfq for
the day, Mr. Hall and Mrs. Hall both rose and went noiselessly down
into the cellar. Their business there was of a private nature, and
had something to do with the specific gravity1 of their
beer. They had hardly entered the cellar when Mrs. Hall found she
had forgotten to bring down a bottle of sarsaparilla from their
joint-room. As she was the expert and principal operator in this
affair, Hall very properly went upstairs for it.
On the landing he was surprised to see that the
stranger’s door was ajar. He went on into his own room and found
the bottle as he had been directed.
But returning with the bottle, he noticed that the
bolts of the front door had been shot back, that the door was in
fact simply on the latch. And with a flash of inspiration he
connected this with the stranger’s room upstairs and the
suggestions of Mr. Teddy Henfrey. He distinctly remembered holding
the candle while Mrs. Hall shot these bolts overnight. At the sight
he stopped, gaping, then with the bottle still in his hand went
upstairs again. He rapped at the stranger’s door. There was no
answer. He rapped again; then pushed the door wide open and
entered.
It was as he expected. The bed, the room also, was
empty. And what was stranger, even to his heavy intelligence, on
the bedroom chair and along the rail of the bed were scattered the
garments, the only garments so far as he knew, and the bandages of
their guest. His big slouch hat even was cocked jauntily over the
bed-post.
As Hall stood there he heard his wife’s voice
coming out of the depth of the cellar, with that rapid telescoping
of the syllables and interrogative cocking up of the final words to
a high note, by which the West Sussex villager is wont to indicate
a brisk impatience. “Gearge! You gart what a wand?”fr
At that he turned and hurried down to her. “Janny,”
he said, over the rail of the cellar steps, “‘tas the truth what
Henfrey sez. ’E’s not in uz room, ‘e ent.fs And
the front door’s unbolted.”
At first Mrs. Hall did not understand, and as soon
as she did she resolved to see the empty room for herself. Hall,
still holding the bottle, went first. “If ‘e ent there,” he said,
“his does are. And what’s ’e doin’ without his does, then? ‘Tas a
most curious basness.”ft
As they came up the cellar steps, they both, it was
afterwards ascertained, 2 fancied
they heard the front door open and shut, but seeing it closed and
nothing there, neither said a word to the other about it at the
time. Mrs. Hall passed her husband in the passage and ran on first
upstairs. Some one sneezed on the staircase. Hall, following six
steps behind, thought that he heard her sneeze. She, going on
first, was under the impression that Hall was sneezing. She flung
open the door and stood regarding the room. “Of all the curious!”
she said.
She heard a sniff close behind her head as it
seemed, and, turning, was surprised to see Hall a dozen feet off on
the topmost stair. But in another moment he was beside her. She
bent forward and put her hand on the pillow and then under the
clothes.
“Cold,” she said. “He’s been up this hour or
more.”
As she did so, a most extra-ordinary thing
happened,—the bed-clothes gathered themselves together, leapt up
suddenly into a sort of peak, and then jumped headlong over the
bottom rail. It was exactly as if a hand had clutched them in the
centre and flung them aside. Immediately after, the stranger’s hat
hopped off the bed-post, described a whirling flight in the air
through the better part of a circle, and then dashed straight at
Mrs. Hall’s face. Then as swiftly came the sponge from the
washstand; and then the chair, flinging the stranger’s coat and
trousers carelessly aside, and laughing drily in a voice singularly
like the stranger‘s, turned itself up with its four legs at Mrs.
Hall, seemed to take aim at her for a moment, and charged at her.
She screamed and turned, and then the chair legs came gently but
firmly against her back and impelled her and Hall out of the room.
The door slammed violently and was locked. The chair and bed seemed
to be executing a dance of triumph for a moment, and then abruptly
everything was still.
Mrs. Hall was left almost in a fainting condition
in Mr. Hall’s arms on the landing. It was with the greatest
difficulty that Mr. Hall and Millie, who had been roused by her
scream of alarm, succeeded in getting her downstairs, and applying
the restorativesfu
customary in these cases.
“‘Tas sperits,”3 said
Mrs. Hall. “I know ’tas sperits. I’ve read in papers of en. Tables
and chairs leaping and dancing!—”
“Take a drop more, Janny,” said Hall. “‘Twill
steady ye.”
“Lock him out,” said Mrs. Hall. “Don’t let him come
in again. I half guessed—I might ha’ known. With them goggling eyes
and bandaged head, and never going to church of a Sunday. And all
they bottles—more’n it’s right for any one to have. He’s put the
sperits into the furniture. —My good old furniture! ‘Twas in that
very chair my poor dear mother used to sit when I was a little
girl. To think it should rise up against me now!”
“Just a drop more, Janny,” said Hall. “Your nerves
is all upset.”
They sent Millie across the street through the
golden five o‘clock sunshine to rouse up Mr. Sandy Wadgers, the
blacksmith. Mr. Hall’s compliments and the furniture upstairs was
behaving most extra-ordinary. Would Mr. Wadgers come round? He was
a knowing man, was Mr. Wadgers, and very resourceful. He took quite
a grave view of the case. “Arm darmed ef thet ent
witchcraft,”fv was
the view of Mr. Sandy Wadgers. “You warnt horseshoesfw for
such gentry as he.”
He came round greatly concerned. They wanted him to
lead the way upstairs to the room, but he didn’t seem to be in any
hurry. He preferred to talk in the passage. Over the way Huxter’s
apprentice came out and began taking down the shutters of the
tobacco window. He was called over to join the discussion. Mr.
Huxter naturally followed over in the course of a few minutes. The
Anglo-Saxon genius for parliamentary government4
asserted itself; there was a great deal of talk and no decisive
action. “Let’s have the facts first,” insisted Mr. Sandy Wadgers.
“Let’s be sure we’d be acting perfectly right in bustin’ that there
door open. A door onbustfx is
always open to bustin‘, but ye can’t onbust a door once you’ve
busted en.”
And suddenly and most wonderfully the door of the
room upstairs opened of its own accord, and as they looked up in
amazement, they saw descending the stairs the muffled figure of the
stranger staring more blackly and blankly than ever with those
unreasonably large blue glass eyes of his. He came down stiffly and
slowly, staring all the time; he walked across the passage staring,
then stopped.
“Look there!” he said, and their eyes followed the
direction of his gloved finger and saw a bottle of sarsaparilla
hard by the cellar door. Then he entered the parlour, and suddenly,
swiftly, viciously, slammed the door in their faces.
Not a word was spoken until the last echoes of the
slam had died away. They stared at one another. “Well, if that
don’t lickfy
everything!” said Mr. Wadgers, and left the alternative
unsaid.
“I’d go in and ask’n ‘bout it,” said Wadgers, to
Mr. Hall. “I’d d’mand an explanation.”
It took some time to bring the landlady’s husband
up to that pitch. At last he rapped, opened the door, and got as
far as, “Excuse me—”
“Go to the devil!” said the stranger in a
tremendous voice, and “Shut the door after you.” So that brief
interview terminated.