Chapter 48

Jenna wouldn't let me stay at the house alone. She insisted I come to the mission with her, Allys, and Kayla. I was reluctant to leave. What if Kara came while we were gone? Jenna promised we wouldn't be gone long and that it might be days before Kara came. Besides, there was some business she had to take care of at the mission. But I couldn't get Kara out of my mind. Where was she? It had been two full days since we'd become separated. She should have been here by now. What if something had happened to her? After all we'd been through, how far we'd come, all the years, what if something as common and random as a car accident took her away again?

My breath catches in my chest. Jenna still hasn't brought up the accident. Neither have I. Everything that came after may have been her father's fault, or Ash's fault, or even Gatsbro's fault, but the accident that started it all, that was my doing. Jenna didn't want to go to the party, but I pushed, and pushed. I practically grabbed the car keys right out of her hand. I was so desperate to impress them, to seem older than I was, to seem like I traveled in circles that I didn't, that I never thought past the moment. Kara reminded me at least a thousand times, What did you do, Locke ... what did you do...? And that was when I would gladly have snapped her neck over and over again, as many times as she asked, What did you do...?

"Locke?"

Jenna's brows pinch together. I have lapsed. My feet are frozen on the pathway. I regain focus on the real world instead of the one I wandered into.

"I'm sorry. Sometimes I just--" I shake my head, but she prods me to continue and I tell her how I lapse, as Dr. Gatsbro called it, when I forget where I am and I go back to other places. My explanation doesn't erase the worry on her face.

Kayla skips down the path, missing my explanation entirely, and grabs my hand. "Hurry up, Locke." She giggles, amused by the sound of my name.

"We'll catch up," Jenna tells her. "I want to drop these off for Nana first."

Kayla lets go of my hand, giving us both another admonishment to hurry, and runs after Allys, who is waiting for her at the end of the path. They are on their way to the mission nursery, and then on to the stables.

When Kayla is out of earshot, Jenna turns back to me. "How often do you have these lapses?"

"Not often. I think. Sometimes I don't even notice I've had one until someone catches me. Like just now. I guess my BioPerfect isn't so perfect."

She grunts. "What is? Not my Bio Gel, either. It's sensitive to cold temperatures, you know? I've always been a slave to the seasons when it comes to travel. And did I tell you that when I first woke up, I couldn't taste a thing? Nothing. Father told me the neurochips would connect soon. Ha! It took eight years. So much for soon. Of course, I wasn't supposed to eat food anyway--just some bland nutrients Father concocted."

"What?" I grab her by the elbow to stop her. "You can't eat food?"

"Oh, now I can. That was the one modification I allowed. I was totally against any more so-called improvements, but eating fresh summer berries or biting into warm, fudgy brownies--I couldn't forgo those forever."

We begin comparing our new bodies like we are comparing the features on the latest model cars. The words pour out, and I talk about the changes without feeling like I am looking a gift horse in the mouth. We talk like old friends, which I guess we really are, and for the first time it feels like the decades between us are disappearing.

"And I'm two inches shorter. Father claimed it was because of mechanics and ratio, but I think Mother just wanted me to be perfect ballet height."

"I thought you seemed smaller, but then I thought it had to do with my being four inches taller. Who knows what Gatsbro's reasoning for that was. Probably more product for the buck."

"I notice you've filled out."

"Yeah, he gave me more muscles but didn't bother with the cowlick."

"You always hated that cowlick."

"Until I didn't have it anymore."

"It's strange the things you can miss. Like my two inches. My memory was shot at first too. That made it even harder. It took months for it all to come back."

"But at least it did."

"And then there was the matter of shelf life."

"Shelf life?"

"How long I would last. Father had no idea. Can you believe a scientist wouldn't know that? He guessed anywhere from two to two hundred years. He undershot it a bit."

"Gatsbro calls it an end date. We didn't find out about that until three days ago. I haven't even begun to try to wrap my head around that one. Four hundred to six hundred years."

"Holy--" She glances sideways at me.

"Yeah."

"As old as a tree."

"Of course, with the way you're going, you may be around that long too."

"Hm." She shrugs. "I don't think so."

I hear the change in her tone and stop walking. "You're ... okay, aren't you?"

"Of course. I just think perfection and lasting through the ages is for Greek statues, not us mere humans." She grabs my hand and pulls me along the path. "Everything and everyone has their weakness--except my Kayla, of course--she is perfection."

I smile. "Of course."

"And Kara?" she asks. "What about her? Are there changes in her too?"

I try to maintain my pace. Keep walking. Look straight ahead. I already told her that Kara is angry. I made that clear. And if she's asking only about physical changes, somehow in that regard, Gatsbro got everything right.

"Locke?"

"No," I say. "Kara's the same. The same old Kara."