As
one of our brightest young
intellectuals said to me:
It’s not so much what we think,
or even what we like or dislike, or approve or disapprove
that
matters so very much.
What matters is what we thrill to.
We are ultimately determined by what we thrill to.
And, of course, thrilling is like loving, you have no choice about
it.
Pondering this new truth of the sensational young, I
said
But what do you thrill to? Do you know?
I suppose, as a matter of fact, it’s getting a little
difficult,
he replied, to thrill to anything.
A thrill rather easily exhausts itself - take even the
war,
and look at the sodomitical and lesbian stuff - wearing rather
thin.
Beauty, of course! Beauty is still a delicious
escape.
And the pure intellect gives one a last, masturbating
sense of
excited freedom!
But, of course, one knows that both beauty and pure intellect
are
only escapes,
mild forms of cocaine; they’re not life, exactly.
No, when it comes to thrills, there are really very few.
Judging from the fiction it is possible to read, I should say
rape
was rather thrilling
or being raped, either way, so long as it was consciously
done,
and slightly subtle.
Yes, if it’s a keen match, rape is rather thrilling.
And then perhaps murder. That is to say
quite cold-blooded, intellectual murder, with a sufficient
cool
motive
and a complete absence of consequence to the
murderer.
I — should say that was rather thrilling,
rather thrilling to contemplate.
After that, of course, there’s suicide - certain aspects perhaps,
Yes, I should say the contemplation of clever suicide
is rather
thrilling,
so long as the thing is done neatly, and the world is left
looking
very fooled.
Quite thrilling, I should say, at least to
contemplate.
For the rest - no! I should say life held very few further
thrilling
possibilities.
So one of the brightest young intellectuals put it to me.
And I had to give him credit for his rather exhibitionist
honesty.
And in the intervals of their thrills, I
suppose
they must go on
they must go on scratching the eczema of their mental
itch
with fingernails of septic criticising.