CHAPTER XVI.

Marianne would have thought herself very
inexcusable had she been able to sleep at all the first night after
parting from Willoughby. She would have been ashamed to look her
family in the face the next morning, had she not risen from her bed
in more need of repose than when she lay down in it. But the
feelings which made such composure a disgrace, left her in no
danger of incurring it. She was awake the whole night, and she wept
the greatest part of it. She got up with a headache, was unable to
talk, and unwilling to take any nourishment; giving pain every
moment to her mother and sisters, and forbidding all attempt at
consolation from either. Her sensibility was potent enough!
When breakfast was over she walked out by herself,
and wandered about the village of Allenham, indulging the
recollection of past enjoyment, and crying over the present reverse
for the chief of the morning.
The evening passed off in the equal indulgence of
feeling. She played over every favourite song that she had been
used to play to Willoughby, every air in which their voices had
been oftenest joined, and sat at the instrument gazing on every
line of music that he had written out for her, till her heart was
so heavy that no farther sadness could be gained; and this
nourishment of grief was every day applied. She spent whole hours
at the piano-forte, alternately singing and crying; her voice often
totally suspended by her tears. In books, too, as well as in music,
she courted the misery which a contrast between the past and
present was certain of giving. She read nothing but what they had
been used to read together.
Such violence of affliction indeed could not be
supported for ever; it sunk within a few days into a calmer
melancholy; but these employments, to which she daily recurred, her
solitary walks and silent meditations, still produced occasional
effusions of sorrow as lively as ever.
No letter from Willoughby came; and none seemed
expected by Marianne. Her mother was surprised, and Elinor again
became uneasy. But Mrs. Dashwood could find explanations whenever
she wanted them, which at least satisfied herself.
“Remember, Elinor,” said she, “how very often Sir
John fetches our letters himself from the post, and carries them to
it. We have already agreed that secrecy may be necessary, and we
must acknowledge that it could not be maintained if their
correspondence were to pass through Sir John’s hands.”
Elinor could not deny the truth of this, and she
tried to find in it a motive sufficient for their silence. But
there was one method so direct, so simple, and in her opinion so
eligible of knowing the real state of the affair, and of instantly
removing all mystery, that she could not help suggesting it to her
mother.
“Why do you not ask Marianne at once,” said she,
“whether she is or is not engaged to Willoughby? From you, her
mother, and so kind, so indulgent a mother, the question could not
give offence. It would be the natural result of your affection for
her. She used to be all unreserve, and to you more
especially.”
“I would not ask such a question for the world.
Supposing it possible that they are not engaged, what distress
would not such an enquiry inflict! At any rate it would be most
ungenerous. I should never deserve her confidence again, after
forcing from her a confession of what is meant at present to be
unacknowledged to any one. I know Marianne’s heart: I know that she
dearly loves me, and that I shall not be the last to whom the
affair is made known, when circumstances make the revealment of it
eligible. I would not attempt to force the confidence of any one;
of a child much less; because a sense of duty would prevent the
denial which her wishes might direct.”
Elinor thought this generosity overstrained,
considering her sister’s youth, and urged the matter farther, but
in vain; common sense, common care, common prudence, were all sunk
in Mrs. Dashwood’s romantic delicacy.
It was several days before Willoughby’s name was
mentioned before Marianne by any of her family; Sir John and Mrs.
Jennings, indeed, were not so nice; their witticisms added pain to
many a painful hour; but one evening, Mrs. Dashwood, accidentally
taking up a volume of Shakespeare, exclaimed,—
‘We have never finished Hamlet,9
Marianne; our dear Willoughby went away before we could get through
it. We will put it by, that when he comes again—; but it may be
months, perhaps, before that happens.”
“Months!” cried Marianne, with strong surprise.
“No—nor many weeks.”
Mrs. Dashwood was sorry for what she had said; but
it gave Elinor pleasure, as it produced a reply from Marianne so
expressive of confidence in Willoughby and knowledge of his
intentions.
One morning, about a week after his leaving the
country, Marianne was prevailed on to join her sisters in their
usual walk, instead of wandering away by herself. Hitherto she had
carefully avoided every companion in her rambles. If her sisters
intended to walk on the downs, she directly stole away towards the
lanes; if they talked of the valley, she was as speedy in climbing
the hills, and could never be found when the others set off. But at
length she was secured by the exertions of Elinor, who greatly
disapproved such continual seclusion. They walked along the road
through the valley, and chiefly in silence, for Marianne’s
mind could not be controlled, and Elinor, satisfied with
gaining one point, would not then attempt more. Beyond the entrance
of the valley, where the country, though still rich, was less wild
and more open, a long stretch of the road which they had travelled
on first coming to Barton lay before them; and on reaching that
point they stopped to look around them, and examine a prospect
which formed the distance of their view from the cottage, from a
spot which they had never happened to reach in any of their walks
before.
Amongst the objects in the scene, they soon
discovered an animated one; it was a man on horseback riding
towards them. In a few minutes they could distinguish him to be a
gentleman; and in a moment afterwards Marianne rapturously
exclaimed,—
“It is he—it is indeed;—I know it is!” and was
hastening to meet him, when Elinor cried out,—
“Indeed, Marianne, I think you are mistaken. It is
not Willoughby. The person is not tall enough for him, and has not
his air.”
“He has, he has,” cried Marianne, “I am sure he
has. His air, his coat, his horse. I knew how soon he would
come.”
She walked eagerly on as she spoke; and Elinor, to
screen Marianne from particularity, as she felt almost certain of
its not being Willoughby, quickened her pace and kept up with her.
They were soon within thirty yards of the gentleman. Marianne
looked again; her heart sunk within her; and abruptly turning
round, she was hurrying back, when the voices of both her sisters
were raised to detain her; a third, almost as well known as
Willoughby‘s, joined them in begging her to stop, and she turned
round with surprise to see and welcome Edward Ferrars.
He was the only person in the world who could at
that moment be forgiven for not being Willoughby; the only one who
could have gained a smile from her; but she dispersed her tears to
smile on him, and in her sister’s happiness forgot for a
time her own disappointment.
He dismounted, and giving his horse to his servant,
walked back with them to Barton, whither he was purposely coming to
visit them.
He was welcomed by them all with great cordiality,
but especially by Marianne, who showed more warmth of regard in her
reception of him than even Elinor herself. To Marianne, indeed, the
meeting between Edward and her sister was but a continuation of
that unaccountable coldness which she had often observed at Norland
in their mutual behaviour. On Edward’s side, more particularly,
there was a deficiency of all that a lover ought to look and say on
such an occasion. He was confused, seemed scarcely sensible of
pleasure in seeing them, looked neither rapturous nor gay, said
little but what was forced from him by questions, and distinguished
Elinor by no mark of affection. Marianne saw and listened with
increasing surprise. She began almost to feel a dislike of Edward;
and it ended, as every feeling must end with her, by carrying back
her thoughts to Willoughby, whose manners formed a contrast
sufficiently striking to those of his brother elect.
After a short silence which succeeded the first
surprise and enquiries of meeting, Marianne asked Edward if he came
directly from London. No, he had been in Devonshire a
fortnight.
“A fortnight!” she repeated, surprised at his being
so long in the same county with Elinor without seeing her
before.
He looked rather distressed as he added, that he
had been staying with some friends near Plymouth.
“Have you been lately in Sussex?” said
Elinor.
“I was at Norland about a month ago.”
“And how does dear, dear Norland look?” cried
Marianne.
“Dear, dear Norland,” said Elinor, “probably looks
much as it always does at this time of year. The woods and walks
thickly covered with dead leaves.”
“Oh,” cried Marianne, “with what transporting
sensations have I formerly seen them fall! How have I delighted, as
I walked, to see them driven in showers about me by the wind! What
feelings have they, the season, the air altogether inspired! Now
there is no one to regard them. They are seen only as a nuisance,
swept hastily off, and driven as much as possible from the
sight.”
“It is not every one,” said Elinor, “who has your
passion for dead leaves.”
“No; my feelings are not often shared; not often
understood. But sometimes they are.” As she said this, she
sunk into a reverie for a few moments; but rousing herself again,
“Now, Edward,” said she, calling his attention to the prospect,
“here is Barton valley. Look up it, and be tranquil if you can.
Look at those hills. Did you ever see their equals? To the left is
Barton Park, amongst those woods and plantations. You may see the
end of the house. And there, beneath that farthest hill, which
rises with such grandeur, is our cottage.”
“It is a beautiful country,” he replied; “but these
bottomsi must be
dirty in winter.”
“How can you think of dirt, with such objects
before you?”
“Because,” replied he, smiling, “among the rest of
the objects before me, I see a very dirty lane.”
“How strange!” said Marianne to herself, as she
walked on.
“Have you an agreeable neighbourhood here? Are the
Middletons pleasant people?”
“No, not all,” answered Marianne; “we could not be
more unfortunately situated.”
“Marianne,” cried her sister, “how can you say so?
How can you be so unjust? They are a very respectable family, Mr.
Ferrars; and towards us have behaved in the friendliest manner.
Have you forgot, Marianne, how many pleasant days we have owed to
them?”
“No,” said Marianne, in a low voice, “nor how many
painful moments.”
Elinor took no notice of this; and directing her
attention to their visiter, endeavoured to support something like
discourse with him, by talking of their present residence, its
conveniences, &c. extorting from him occasional questions and
remarks. His coldness and reserve mortified her severely; she was
vexed and half angry; but resolving to regulate her behaviour to
him by the past rather than the present, she avoided every
appearance of resentment or displeasure, and treated him as she
thought he ought to be treated from the family connection.