Chapter XVIII

Anna looked at Dolly’s thin, care-worn
face, with its wrinkles filled with dust from the road, and she was
on the point of saying what she was thinking, that is, that Dolly
had got thinner. But, conscious that she herself had grown
handsomer, and that Dolly’s eyes were telling her so, she sighed
and began to speak about herself.
“You are looking at me,” she said, “and wondering
how I can be happy in my position? Well! it’s shameful to confess,
but I . . . I’m inexcusably happy. Something magical has happened
to me, like a dream, when you’re frightened, panic-stricken, and
all of a sudden you wake up and all the horrors are no more. I have
waked up. I have lived through the misery, the dread, and now for a
long while past, especially since we’ve been here, I’ve been so
happy! ...” she said, with a timid smile of inquiry looking at
Dolly.
“How glad I am!” said Dolly smiling, involuntarily
speaking more coldly than she wanted to. “I’m very glad for you.
Why haven’t you written to me?”
“Why? ... Because I hadn’t the courage.... You
forget my position . . .”
“To me? Hadn’t the courage? If you knew how I . . .
I look at . . .”
Darya Alexandrovna wanted to express her thoughts
of the morning, but for some reason it seemed to her now out of
place to do so.
“But of that we’ll talk later. What’s this, what
are all these buildings?” she asked, wanting to change the
conversation and pointing to the red and green roofs that came into
view behind the green hedges of acacia and lilac. “Quite a little
town.”
But Anna did not answer.
“No, no! How do you look at my position, what do
you think of it?” she asked.
“I consider...” Darya Alexandrovna was beginning,
but at that instant Vassenka Veslovsky, having brought the cob to
gallop with the right leg foremost, galloped past them, bumping
heavily up and down in his short jacket on the chamois leather of
the side-saddle. “He’s doing it, Anna Arkadyevna!” he
shouted.
Anna did not even glance at him; but again it
seemed to Darya Alexandrovna out of place to enter upon such a long
conversation in the carriage, and so she cut short her
thought.
“I don’t think anything,” she said, “but I always
loved you, and if one loves any one, one loves the whole person,
just as they are and not as one would like them to be....”
Anna, taking her eyes off her friend’s face and
dropping her eyelids (this was a new habit Dolly had not seen in
her before), pondered, trying to penetrate the full significance of
the words. And obviously interpreting them as she would have
wished, she glanced at Dolly.
“If you had any sins,” she said, “they would all be
forgiven you for your coming to see me and these words.”
And Dolly saw that tears stood in her eyes. She
pressed Anna’s hand in silence.
“Well, what are these buildings? How many there are
of them!” After a moment’s silence she repeated her question.
“These are the servants’ houses, barns, and
stables,” answered Anna. “And there the park begins. It had all
gone to ruin, but Alexey had everything renewed. He is very fond of
this place, and, what I never expected, he has become intensely
interested in looking after it. But his is such a rich nature!
Whatever he takes up, he does splendidly. So far from being bored
by it, he works with passionate interest. He—with his temperament
as I know it—he has become careful and businesslike, a first-rate
manager, he positively reckons every penny in his management of the
land. But only in that. When it’s a question of tens of thousands,
he doesn’t think of money.” She spoke with that gleefully sly smile
with which women often talk of the secret characteristics only
known to them—of those they love. “Do you see that big building?
that’s the new hospital. I believe it will cost over a hundred
thousand; that’s his hobby just now. And do you know how it all
came about? The peasants asked him for some meadowland, I think it
was, at a cheaper rate, and he refused, and I accused him of being
miserly. Of course it was not really because of that, but
everything together, he began this hospital to prove, do you see,
that he was not miserly about money. C’est une petitesse,ct
if you like, but I love him all the more for it. And now you’ll see
the house in a moment. It was his grandfather’s house, and he has
had nothing changed outside.”
“How beautiful!” said Dolly, looking with
involuntary admiration at the handsome house with columns, standing
out among the different-colored greens of the old trees in the
garden.
“Isn’t it fine? And from the house, from the top,
the view is wonderful.”
They drove into a courtyard strewn with gravel and
bright with flowers, in which two laborers were at work putting an
edging of stones round the light mould of a flower-bed, and drew up
in a covered entry.
“Ah, they’re here already!” said Anna, looking at
the saddle-horses, which were just being led away from the steps.
“It is a nice horse, isn’t it? It’s my cob; my favorite. Lead him
here and bring me some sugar. Where is the count?” she inquired of
two smart footmen who darted out. ”Ah, there he is!” she said,
seeing Vronsky coming to meet her with Veslovsky.
“Where are you going to put the princess?” said
Vronsky in French, addressing Anna, and without waiting for a
reply, he once more greeted Darya Alexandrovna, and this time he
kissed her hand. “I think the big balcony room.”
“Oh, no, that’s too far off! Better in the corner
room, we shall see each other more. Come, let’s go up,” said Anna,
as she gave her favorite horse the sugar the footman had brought
her.
“Et vous oubliez votre devoir,”cu
she said to Veslovsky, who came out too on the steps.
“Pardon, j’en ai tout plein les
poches,”cv he
answered, smiling, putting his fingers in his waistcoat
pocket.
“Mais vous venez trop tard,”cw she
said, rubbing her handkerchief on her hand, which the horse had
made wet in taking the sugar.
Anna turned to Dolly. “You can stay some time? For
one day only? That’s impossible!”
“I promised to be back, and the children...” said
Dolly, feeling embarrassed both because she had to get her bag out
of the carriage, and because she knew her face must be covered with
dust.
“No, Dolly, darling! . . . Well, we’ll see. Come
along, come along!” and Anna led Dolly to her room.
That room was not the smart guest-chamber Vronsky
had suggested, but the one of which Anna had said that Dolly would
excuse it. And this room, for which excuse was needed, was more
full of luxury than any in which Dolly had ever stayed, a luxury
that reminded her of the best hotels abroad.
“Well, darling, how happy I am!” Anna said, sitting
down in her riding-habit for a moment beside Dolly. “Tell me about
all of you. Stiva I had only a glimpse of, and he cannot tell one
about the children. How is my favorite, Tanya? Quite a big girl, I
expect?”
“Yes, she’s very tall,” Darya Alexandrovna answered
shortly, surprised herself that she should respond so coolly about
her children. “We are having a delightful stay at the Levins’,” she
added.
“Oh, if I had known,” said Anna, “that you do not
despise me! ... You might have all come to us. Stiva’s an old
friend and a great friend of Alexey’s, you know,” she added, and
suddenly she blushed.
“Yes, but we are all...” Dolly answered in
confusion.
“But in my delight I’m talking nonsense. The one
thing, darling, is that I am so glad to have you!” said Anna,
kissing her again. “You haven’t told me yet how and what you think
about me, and I keep wanting to know. But I’m glad you will see me
as I am. The chief thing I shouldn’t like would be for people to
imagine I want to prove anything. I don’t want to prove anything; I
merely want to live, to do no one harm but myself. I have the right
to do that, haven’t I? But it is a big subject, and we’ll talk over
everything properly later. Now I’ll go and dress and send a maid to
you.”